​Because I MATTER...I told myself, as I asked the question WHY?  When I allowed myself to get creative with "bubble letters" in my journal, I simply answered a question, the question was
WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE?  My answer was clear, Being the best version of me, because I MATTER!!

That was it, I signed and dated it and I felt my body, mind and soul follow suit.

It was 9:20pm on October 23, 2016 and I knew that I hadn't been honouring myself as much as I thought I was doing all that I could to do so.  

Exactly 24 hours before this moment a dear friend of mine (Kirsten), shared a Yoga Intensive program with me, she told me it was starting on October 24th and it was something that would be 5 days per week going from 6am until 7:30 am for an entire month.  I got excited with the thought of it, but quickly found myself making all the excuses for why it wouldn't work.  Yet for the entire 24 hours, I continued to think about how great it would be if I would commit to myself and make some positive changes, starting with waking up early to take time for me before anyone else in the house was awake.  

When the negative self talk came in (which I refer to now as the lizard brain, thanks to a great mentor, Colin James), I knew that this wasn't me...this was my past dictating my future and I was listening to my self talk as some sort of boss in my life.  And then I remembered that the power is within myself to either believe the negative self talk or to acknowledge it and move beyond it.

​​That lizard brain got louder and LOUDER.  It was saying things such as, "are you crazy? You can't get up before 7:00, you can barely wake up before 7:30, so who are you kidding?  This will be just ONE more thing you will start and not complete and it will be a waste of your money.  You may start strong, but there is NO way you will create a new habit"  And the messages continued.



48 hours earlier I had also made a commitment to myself, to get back into healthy eating habits through the program I cherish and represent in my business.  The past few months have been less than ideal.  I wasn't a product of my product for quite sometime, I would find myself doing great for a bit and then falling back into bad habits.  I was rushing most mornings to get the kids fed and out the door, and half the time they were missing the bus so I was driving them to school.  Instead of having a shake, I would find myself driving through the Tim Horton's drive thru to have a breakfast sandwich approximately twice a week.  There were many days that I would go to Barrie to do errands or meet up with others, only to find that I didn't plan well, and would get hungry while in the city...so I would often pull through a drive through to have a 6 inch sub or a wrap (trying to convince myself that this is a "healthy-ish" choice), only to find myself lacking in energy and motivation throughout the day.

So once again, because of my previous commitment to myself to return to my healthy eating habits and now adding a "get up out of bed" and yoga expectation 5 days a week, I was finding myself hearing that lizard brain saying, "yup, you really are crazy...you think you can return to a healthy eating habit by doing a 9 day cellular body cleanse and finish it continuing as a 30 day system AND wake up early and do yoga...yes, you Tara Cooper have lost your mind...and I call the BS card on you...you will NOT do it, because you have tried so many times before, and you have NOT EVER continued...but go ahead, go against what I say, and I will PROVE that you can't follow through."

Yes that lizard is a bother, it is downright rude if you ask me...but I knew (because of so much work I've been doing on my mindset) that this is normal and this lizard brain of mine is trying it's best to keep me safe in my bubble of comfort.  My lizard LOVED to sleep in and eat junk.

So as I prepared to move forward with a BEGINNER'S MINDSET, (in order to build myself some new and sustainable healthy habits), I thanked my lizard brain (picture of the lizard drawn by Colin James) for trying to keep me safe and I made a conscious decision to plan for the next day. October 24th would be my first day of new beginnings.

• I will wake up at 6:25am to Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay
• I will take my peppermint and orange essential oils and put them in my diffuser
• I will do 20 minutes of yoga: Easy Yoga for Beginners - Full Body Gentle Flow Yoga (youTube)
• I will do 20 minutes of meditation with Either: Chakra Cleansing & Activating guided meditation on YouTube OR Buddhist Meditation for Beginners  (I did end up choosing the Chakra Cleansing today)
• I will do 20 minutes of journalling or soul journalling (I love soul journaling, goes so much deeper and beneficial for me)
• I will have my Ionix, my shake and my vitamins when I finish
• I will make breakfast and lunches for the kids

Did I do what I set out to do?
Well that lovely LIZARD brain of mine tells me, "don't get too excited, because you have started strong in the past, only to fizzle out within a few days".  However, my soul is cheering me on, saying YES, you did it, you proved that it is possible to rise early before anyone else, and even before your alarm went off.  You were able to get everything done that you set out to do and you ROCKED it Tara.

So yes, I did what I set out to do and I do feel wonderful.  I enjoyed the Yoga and the Chakra Cleansing (links found above) and had 15 minutes to journal, which was NO PROBLEM to complete, I wrote the entire 15 minutes.  I started with 2 paragraphs of personal journalling and then completed approximately 3.5 pages of Soul Journalling (see link for more on how to do soul journaling if you are interested). Or for a more detailed exercise, buy Elisa Romeo's book called Meet your Soul.

I began the day as I planned to and I loved every single moment of it.  I got my Ionix and my shake with vitamins before anyone came downstairs for breakfast. I managed to make lunches and breakfast for the kids and we enjoyed a continuous replay of our song of the day: Coldplay's Adventure of a Lifetime.  The kids had a bounce in their step and so did my husband and I.  They got on the bus.  And our day was off to a great start.

The morning was light, fresh and inspiring.  I look so forward to beginning my day the same way tomorrow.
Nutrition as planned for anyone interested in doing this too (if you don't know what certain things are, and have interest, just ask.), include consumption of water throughout the day also.
Morning:

• Ionix (1 oz) 
• Isa-shake mixed only with water
• Accelerator x 1, Brain boost x 3, Product B x 2
• Greens (1 shot)
• snack midmorning (likely IsaDelight)
• e+ shot

Afternoon:

• Ionix (1 oz)
• Isa-shake mixed only with water
• snack (Chewables or IsaDelight - or veggies with hummus)

Evening:

• fish (baked) - will share recipe soon (I tend to put it together as I make it)
• rice or quinoa mixture
• veggies and or greens (1 shot if needed)

Before Bed:

• sleep spray (2 sprays)
• IsaComfort x 2
• IsaOmega (1 or 2)
• Thyroid medication (as prescribed)

*I am not currently taking any other supplements or vitamins at this time, but will increase or alter times as I bring habits back into my routines.


I choose music today to be about Intuition and Connection...and a bit of Physical!  This is a great chart to help with music choices for your Chakras.

We all have a past, we all have a story. Some of us are victims of our circumstances and some of us recognize that even when a circumstance or event happens in our life, we are responsible for how we react or think about it. 

I am sure I am not alone when I admit that there have been times in my life when I have taken a circumstance as a curse and I became a victim. I can also admit that I  recognize when something has happened (that either I created or caused or another person has) and I take 100% responsibility for where my thoughts, actions and beliefs are around it. 

We all have a choice. In the end, no one can make us feel a certain way unless we let them. This isn't to say we will not have bad days...moments of anger, frustration and sadness...but it comes down to choice.  We cannot blame anyone, we must stand up for it and take 100% responsibility for our thoughts and feelings in order to move forward in a healthy way.

What I am about to share with you is a lifelong journey.  We all have a journey and you might just find your journey is similar in one way or another. It is a journey of many moments of wonder, doubt, fear and most of all of hope.  One that has taken decades to realize.  The key here is to appreciate the journey, even if it is one that takes decades.  

I've wanted to share this for quite some time now...but based on the fear that I would hurt two people I love so dearly, I put it aside and didn't share it openly.  Yet when we hold back what is inside us...we can create even more struggle.  Getting our thoughts out (in whatever way we can)...will release an area of our life that is ready to be healed.  The longer we stuff the emotion inside, my belief (like Louise Hay) is that it will find a way to come out somehow - typically in illness or disease. (DIS-Ease).

So here goes and as I share this, I offer love and respect to all people I will mention today.  I also hope for you that it will provide a door for you to find peace and healing in an area of your own life.

In December of 1976 I was born and named, Tara Louise Kenzie.  My mother and father were both very young and they both came from very humble beginnings that involved many many difficult days that many of us wouldn't be able to relate to in this lifetime.  They were doing the best they could with what they had available to them and it didn't end well for them.  They parted ways and a short time later, my mom and I were on our own. A time in her life that was very difficult for sure, and my biological father was about to experience decades of pain as he wouldn't see me for over 38 years.

Not long after my mom had gone through this very painful break-up, she met a man named Ron.  He showed my mom the love she longed to have and he accepted me as his very own child.  When I was 8 years old, I was their flower-girl at their wedding. Shortly after they were married, I asked if he could adopt me so that I could have the same name as the both of them. They agreed and I became Tara Louise Zimmerman. Ron (my dad) was the only dad I would ever know.  He filled that role in a way that is hard to explain without getting emotional, because when I think of this role he took on. He made it look simple, but I would bet that it wasn't as simple as he made it look.  I respected him throughout my life (still do...likely more today now that I am an adult and know how challenging being a parent can be at times) and have always loved him for the grace, compassion, warmth and guidance that he provided to myself and my mom as I grew up and eventually had my own children.  I always believed that it takes a very strong man to come into our lives and support us in every way.

Fast forward to January, 2016.  The day I never saw coming...even though I had thoughts about it...I assumed it would be me to make the first move, but anytime I attempted to - I would feel a sense of being paralyzed.  I received a facebook friend request from my biological father (Bill).  When I received that, I found myself feeling fear.  Not fearful of him, but fearful of my reaction...this was it, I had the chance to know who he was...and how he has lived his life the last (almost) 40 years. The thought of that was scary for that moment. "What ifs" started coming up for me.

Instantly I thought of my dad (and my mom).  I drove to their house that evening when they were both home from work and I talked with them about what just happened that day.  I knew that they deserved to hear it from me (and not through facebook) and they deserved for me to be there face to face, not over the phone.  After an emotional discussion, they expressed their feelings and wished me well on my decisions.  The next day I accepted Bill's friendship and tiptoed into this new territory.  His family began requesting to be a friend including his daughter (whom I later found out, wasn't his biological daughter and he raised her just like my own dad did).  I continued to look into who he was, some similarities were very clear, especially our looks (and also including our thought process and our belief around personal growth).  It became apparent to me that decades later he had done a lot of work on himself and he made the decision to change his life, despite his rocky youth.

For a few months we would write to one another.  I was asking his family about him as a way to understand more about who he was to those who loved him most.

I later found out that his health had been failing.  He was (and still is) going for dialysis 3 times a week and he is in need of a kidney.  I never felt pressured to meet him, but I knew that in order to be certain that I wouldn't ever have any regrets, it was up to me to make a decision.  For so many years of my life, I was always looking to others to help me make decisions, but this time I knew it was up to me.

The day came, I made the decision to plan to meet him.  Thing was, we live in different provinces so it meant that I would either get on a plane to fly 2 hours or get in a car and drive 17 hours.  I talked with my very supportive husband and he said yes when I asked if he would go with me.  

Together we made the decision to drive out to meet him with our 3 kids.  We planned it as a trip to see areas of our country we haven't ever seen and had a destination in mind.  My mom and dad didn't know at that time (which was the very hardest thing to ever do)...but I was respecting their original wishes from January that they didn't want to know details of our communication with one another. I respected that this wasn't anything to do with them, this was my life and I had to be ready to step into my own adult life to make these decisions without their acceptance or approval.  (like I said, this was the hardest part, because it felt like I was hiding something about me that was important - and they know everything about me)

And we left...we took a few days to drive out, enjoyed some sites along the way.  The night before we planned to meet Bill and his wife Diana, we enjoyed dinner with friends.  They (Kevin and Cathy) were friends I had met online a few years ago in a  personal growth group and we hadn't met in person before either...ironic, but it was as if they helped me see how wonderful it can be to meet people in person after communication online as the first sort of communication.  I felt like I knew Kevin and Cathy already...and I do believe our souls did know one another, we just hadn't met in person yet.  They wished us well and we said our goodbyes, they became the couple I would keep in touch with through my next days as well, they continue to be angels in my life today.  

That evening before I went to sleep, I knew that I felt a sense of peace. I told my husband, Cam that I had no expectations of how things would go the next day.  We can often have such high hopes or expectations about something in our life, only to feel discouraged or disappointed if it doesn't go as we expect.  And other times, we can expect the worst of a situation and we create a story around it, which only helps us focus on the negative...and this often proves to us that we were right to assume it would go bad.  So I went into it with absolutely no expectations and was promising myself that I would go with how I was feeling in the moment, not about what I was expecting.  

The day we met (exactly a month ago today - August 13, 2016):

I would by lying if I said it was easy. In part I still felt a sense of guilt that my mom and dad didn't know.  To be truthful, it was one of the hardest things I've done.  My "courage muscles" came in that day...you know when you hear about 15 seconds of insane courage?  Well that is what it was for me (and likely for Bill also).  It was awkward at first, we both didn't know what to say or do...but as we let go of that initial feeling...we took time to sit down at their kitchen table and we chatted for several hours.  His nervousness was apparent - but I am sure we can all agree that if we were in his shoes and this was the first time you would see your biological child in 4 decades, you would be nervous also.

We continued to enjoy conversation and got to know one another more and we left shortly after.  The next day my husband and I knew it was time to start our journey back home.  I remember feeling such a sense of calm and peace, but was also feeling a bit sad.  Sad that this man, now in his 60s would be so far away.  He became a part of my life that I can't explain.  Even though we haven't known one another all these decades, we are still biologically connected.  The gift of meeting him, brought so much hope.  He demonstrated what is possible when people make a conscious decision to change their life.  He wasn't forced, he wasn't told what to do, he made a conscious decision to change the way he was living his life in order to create a better future for himself. 

Bill taught me so many lessons. He taught me that being a victim of circumstance only holds us back from truly living fulfilled.  He taught me that being patient with how life unfolds is about surrender at times, rather than trying so hard to control it.  He taught me that even through years of pain, sadness, suffering and anger that we can find the positive in it all.  He taught me that if we work on ourselves and we love where we are even when it is hard to love where we are, that great gifts are available to us when we are ready to receive them.

My mom and dad taught me so much also...most of all how to grow up with values, with the ability to have compassion for everyone, no matter where they are or where they've been.  They have helped me to see what love really is, how it feels and what it looks like. They have taught me gratitude for everything I have and everything I may have wished for but never got.  They have taught me that love is stronger than what many of us assume it is.  

As I complete this piece, I am filled with so much joy and love. My heart is feeling so much peace.  I feel like the luckiest daughter in the universe...which helps me to be a much better mom, wife and friend and business partner to others.  We never know what others are going through, we also never know exactly where they are going tomorrow, so we must be present and in the moment, as we may not get the same moment again - we all know that life is short.  Judgement isn't our job...when we judge another person for their choices, we are judging ourselves.  When we can remain open and filled with love for other humans for where they are and what they are going through...we create more peace all around.  100% responsibility starts with me, starts with you.  We can either be a victim of our circumstance or we can be 100% responsible for our actions, thoughts and beliefs.  No one can tell us how to feel, act or be...it is up to us - each of us to feel, act and become the person we are meant to become!

Much love, 

​Tara

Bill, Tara & Bill's wife Diana (they've been married 35 years - amazing)

Our friends (and angels) Kevin and Cathy. (the first time we met, Aug 12th, 2016)

My dad and my mom, sharing in all areas of my life.

My dad, one of the strongest men I know.

My mom and dad were (and continue to be) great role models for me about marriage...and now I continue to build my life with my wonderful husband Cam.  He loves and supports me so much.

Many people don't know this...but this exact photo was taken just a few months before Chris would lose his precious life in a car accident.  I knew Chris since we were born...and he was like a brother to me.  His grandfather and my biological grandfather were both killed in a car crash before we were even born.  There is some family history for sure...but here is where the story makes even more sense.  Chris passed away before he turned 30, I had this photo that I forgot to give to him when I saw him after this was taken so that he could add it to his wall of photos (before Facebook days).  After he died, his spirit or soul (whatever you believe) came to me and mentioned the photo of us and he said, "I know how much you regretted not giving me that photo of us, please don't live your life regretting that you don't meet your biological father"  So I wish to thank Chris for helping me recognize this journey is always worth it when we take action and never live with a regret.

Last week I created a challenge. It lasted 7 days.  Each day I asked questions that created deeper thinking from participants and the answers that were shared were incredible.  I will soon post those questions as they may be questions that you wish to ask yourself to dig deeper than just the surface stuff we experience each day.  Today I came across a great question.  One that I would love to see YOUR answers.  Feel free to add a comment on this post and I know that all the responses will be relatable to you if you are an entrepreneur yourself.  If you are not an entrepreneur, my guess is that many of these responses will be relatable to you also as you live your best life!

At the end of the day, when we all do the best we can, we have done our part. Enough, you are enough, is the soft whisper you feel and hear from within. Somedays we do have more to give, while other days I believe it is ok to trust ourselves when less is actually more, and less becomes enough at that moment.  Pushing ourselves everyday, leaving our tank empty, is just plain stupid. Doing this too often will leave us sick and depleted - this helps no one.

You will become fulfilled and complete:
Those who master the skill of being present and in the moment, who master the gift of balance, who master the wonderful qualities of being in integrity, being non-judgemental toward themselves and others, and for trusting their own voice
- YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE.  

To the people who keep working to improve themselves daily, to those who follow their heart and not the logic or opinions of others, to those who know how to set healthy boundaries, to those who live without guilt, blame, shame and self-doubts.  
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who feel fear, who feel stuck or unclear but who go after their dreams anyway. To those who embrace imperfections, uncertainty, change and growth, who believe in something they cannot yet see, touch, taste or feel - but they know and trust in what is possible.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who never settle, who never stay stuck, who understand and accept that taking the time they need to gain strength in the process is important, who don't beat themselves up, but keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if it is a "shimmy" today.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who may feel like giving up, but don't.  For those who see opportunity in the moments of struggle, for those who realize they are worthy, even when at times this feeling of being unworthy has become an identity.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who are determined to close the gap, the gap between the version others see of you and the version you are when no one can see you.  To those who go to work on themselves more than they work on anything else. To those who are not afraid to show emotion, to be transparent, to be authentic even when others may not approve.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who have the courage to do whatever it takes to keep moving, even when it hurts so much to even lift a finger. To those who see the pain and suffering in others and even when it would be easier to ignore or turn away they push forward to help, even when they feel their own tank feels like it is almost dry. Why? Because they can relate and they know what it feels like to suffer too.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who are sad and feeling lost, but who persevere and find the strength to appreciate and give gratitude to the setback you might be going through, but who create a comeback stronger than ever before. To those who are self-motivated and determined to stand up again and again, even after another knock down.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE. 

To those who are ready to rise up and completely show up, even though it makes your legs tremble. To those who are about to open a new door without even knowing who is in your corner.  To those who are ready and to those who know that the only person you must be able to count on is yourself, to trust and know that the only person responsible to spread your wings is YOU.  
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE.

To those who are ready to change. To those who are ready to break free from the invisible chains you've placed around yourself, to those who are ready to learn what loving yourself is about. For those who know that without self-love, no love is possible. For those who are ready to truly become the person you were meant to be, for those who trust the process.
-YOU WILL BECOME FULFILLED AND COMPLETE.

We are ALL here to live a life of fulfillment and purpose.  Happiness comes from within - yes, but for true happiness to occur, in my opinion (to close the gap between what people see and what you are living inside) we must feel fulfilled - and this feeling can only come from inside, when we feel great about who we've become. You are here for a reason and that day you find out what your purpose really is, will be the same day you live fulfilled and complete. Losing sight of this, will leave us feeling empty.
~Tara Cooper

Three years ago my mom and I discussed Christmas gift giving for each other (for the last time).  We came to the conclusion that Christmas giving becomes more stressful than it needs to be. We always want to find just the right gift that the other person will love and appreciate and many times we went to the trouble only to find out that the other person either already had it, or it wasn't really the style they would have bought for themselves.  Our frustration and stress became the beginning of something even better.

My mom, Janet, came from very humble beginnings.  A family of 7 and growing up in the 50s and 60s came with multiple challenges.  She and her siblings lived a life with many struggles. Their mother was a strict Catholic who was also schizophrenic. Her father desperately wanted to help, but was tied (limited) by legal procedures.  My mother and her sisters and brother lived separated for much of their childhood, in and out of multiple foster homes - many times being abused in homes that were meant to keep them safe from harm.

Living a life never knowing where the next meal was going to come from, wearing shoes that were too small, not having clothing that fit and many times the clothes were not appropriate for the weather conditions. Never knowing where they would put their head to sleep at night (as this changed often) and wishing to have a home full of love was the common Christmas wish - having a toy (as much as this was a common dream) was secondary.

I cannot relate to the life my mother and my aunts and uncle lived, but I can appreciate the life she gave me and I know that I shouldn't speak for my two cousins, but I do believe that when they take time to reflect - they quite possibly feel the way that I do about the life we were given even though our mothers often had to "fend for themselves" and grow up faster than any child should have to.

So now I go back to our Christmas stresses or frustrations, just a few short years ago.  Buying presents for one another became stressful.  What did the other person REALLY need or want? What would be most thoughtful but at the same time useful?  We understand that with every challenge there is always an answer that can become a gift.  We were about to find the gift in this.

In 2013 we had an idea.  My mom and I discussed the spending we would do.  We often put $100 to each person.  So $100 for my mom and $100 for my dad, and they would spend $100 for my husband and $100 for me. Some would say, let's just give cash to one another, but in my calculation, that just simply cancels it out.  We decided to do something that brings even more Christmas sprit to people (including us).  

My mom can remember what it was like to live with very little, like it was yesterday.  I do remember a few years (when my mom struggled to provide Christmas "toys" to me when I was a young child, so I could relate a little bit about only getting the necessities and I remember even having a Charlie Brown Christmas tree one year - and as a young girl, it just didn't feel like Christmas, to have a tree that was bare).  As I think back to those days, I recognize that the fact that I even had a Christmas tree at all, was more than some children ever get - even today.  

In 2013 we decided to be anonymous and give to 2 families in need at my children's school.  We talked with the administration, we asked if there were any families that would appreciate being our angels (to receive gifts).  The questions we asked were, how many children? Mother and father? Ages of each and sizes of feet and clothing.  We asked about hobbies and likes and we even asked about DREAMS.  If they could get anything for Christmas, what would it be?  Many of us would assume the wants and dreams would be MASSIVE...yet, when we live in humble times, in times of struggle, often our dreams are small in comparison to what many people expect at Christmas.  One mother always dreamed of being able to afford a pair of skates so that she could skate on public ice rinks with her daughter. She also expressed the desire to have phone cards so that she would keep in touch with her family that lived out of town. Another mother wanted to be able to feed her family at Christmas. And the kids, well - they wanted what most kids want.  A winter coat, winter boots, one special toy to call their own...and the older girl wanted a nice backpack for school, a girls magazine, some makeup and a few hygiene products.  What pre-teen doesn't want that stuff?  But I would bet that most pre-teens get a whole lot more than that stuff. Don't we all expect too much at times? This gift giving project we've begun, makes us really appreciate what we have and we realize how much we can really do without - if we became more honest with ourselves.

So off we went, we took my 3 kids (who at the time were 2, 4 & 6).  We had my 6 year old help pick the winter coat with snow pants for one girl who was also 6.  She also helped us pick the matching boots and hat and mittens.  All 3 children helped us pick a toy or special keepsake.  Since that year was quite cold and snowy before Christmas, we decided to give the school the winter clothing before Christmas (unwrapped) so that she would wear these items immediately.  We later gave the wrapped toys and other gifts in time for Christmas.  Both families were single moms raising their only children.  So we treated the moms to gifts also.  That mom who dreamed of skating with her daughter, we got her skates that were brand new, we also bought some phone cards. Last but not least we bought grocery store gift cards to contribute to their Christmas dinner shopping.

We never met these families, nor did we need to.  We knew that our $400 went a whole lot further than it ever would have if we just spent it on ourselves.  We felt the true spirit of Christmas, because giving in that way (without expectation) gave us more joy than we could ever imagine.  

We did it again in 2014, but this time we had a family member and a dear friend who were both experiencing major challenges so we decided to give to both of them to provide a small gift of hope for brighter days.

This year (our 3rd year) we picked one lady. She is a woman who has 3 children (who do not live with her), and she has multiple health challenges.  My mom and dad are in the middle of downsizing and my mom asked her what she might need (assuming that furniture might be helpful) and a few days later, this woman said - if you come across an extra winter coat and winter boots, I would appreciate that.  Now we know that everyone is a different size, so the simple fact of giving used clothing to another person may not be as simple as it sounds.  We knew that we had our Christmas Angel for this year.  She cried tears of joy and gratitude to have a pair of boots and a winter jacket that not only fit but she loved the colours and the comfort of both.  She continued on to say that no one has ever done something like this for her.  As an additional gift my mom drove her to a location that puts families on a list for gifts.  She now knows that because she is on the list, she will be given gift cards that she will be able to give to her children when she sees them this Christmas.  

So additional to giving to the food bank each year, as well as any charities throughout the year, we feel that finding our Christmas Angel each year will not only continue - we intend to increase our spending as we are able, so that we can give Christmas wishes to even more families.

This was the first year we gave to our first Christmas Angels. 2013.

"The point when we cannot go on as business as usual, is our cognitions ability to pay attention to what we are doing. When we can begin to decide of who we no longer want to be and we make a decision to become the person we want to be, this creates new levels of mind in the brain. Your brain and body can change by thought alone IF done daily. We move from living in the past (unlearning) and moving into the future (relearning, reinventing)." This quote was one Dr. Dispenza speaks about in the video link above.  

Knowing this now [after the past month on my own journey of basically putting life to a screeching halt - which to many (including me) didn't make a lot of sense], allows me to understand.  I didn't understand a month ago why I was feeling the way that I was, but I knew that even though I didn't understand, I was ready to change - and I knew that required stopping the "habits" I was doing daily, to create new ones - the how does show up.  This book (thanks for the reminder Tinya) came back into my awareness at the right time.  Learning is MY job and finding the right tools are honestly coming to me without a lot of thought, I am open and willing, therefore the right people, events, books and other resources are showing up for me.  As PK Smith says, once we know the WHAT, the HOW is not our business but will show up when we are ready to be present.  So often we know the "what" but we are not taking the time to truly listen to the gifts presenting themselves to allow us to create the "what" that we desire. Sometimes we do only what others are doing and in all honesty, what others do, may not be what we need to do to get the same result.  Trusting ourselves is important and mandatory when we go through a change that we've often just talked about wanting, but not moving forward.

Chapter 7 - The Gap (a short summary of some great parts that spoke most to me and maybe it will help you - all parts here are quoted in gray, blue and italic are my personal messages about the quote in the book)

It occurred to me that I was so busy that I had no time to actually practice what I was teaching.  

This was an unnerving moment, because I began to see that all of my happiness was created from outside of me, and that the joy I experienced when I was travelling and lecturing had nothing to do with real joy. It appeared to me that I needed everyone, everything, and everyplace outside of me in order to feel good.  This image that I was projecting to the world was dependent on external factors.

The sad truth is that if you had asked me at one of those moments, I would have probably responded: Yes, things are great.

But if you had caught me in a quiet moment, when all those other stimuli weren't bombarding me, I would have responded in a completely different manner: Something's not right. I feel unsettled. Everything feels like the same old, same old.  Something is missing.

On the day I recognized the core reason for my unhappiness, I also realized that I needed the external world to remember who I was.  My identity had become the people I talked to, the cities I visited, the things I did while I was traveling, and the experiences I needed in order to reaffirm myself as this person called Joe Dispenza. And when I wasn't around anyone who could help me recall this personality that the world might know as me, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. In fact, I saw that all of my perceived happiness was really just a reaction to stimuli in the external world that made me feel certain ways.  I then understood  that I was totally addicted to my environment, and I was dependent on external cues to reinforce my emotional addiction. What a moment for me. I had heard a million times that happiness comes from within, but it never hit me like this before.

These paragraphs above were like a window into myself. As if I was the person behind the words, the author of these pages.  Joe wrote in a way that I instantly connected with his message and I felt that I could relate 100%, yet I just hadn't been able to put it into words just yet.

THE IDENTITY GAP

Dr. Dispenza describes something called the Identity Gap by imagining you have one hand on top and one below (as if you were holding a ball in between). The top hand represents how we appear.  This includes our Identity that we project to the outer environment. Who we want others to think we are, the facade or ideal for the world.  The bottom hand represents who we really are.  This is how we feel, who we really are, how we are inside, the ideal for the self.  It is as if we are two separate entities. This was the realization I was having just about a month ago...one where I knew I couldn't keep going on the way that I was. It was time to "close the gap" and show up as who I really am! Yet in order to do that, I had to get really clear and be completely honest with myself about who I am now and if changes need to be made, who was I becoming?

He goes on to explain that in that GAP we have layers of emotion, such as, unworthiness, anger, fear, shame, self-doubt, guilt.  Sound familiar to anyone you know?  No, I didn't think so!  Here is some awareness now happening for most of us - right?

Layer by layer, we wear various emotions, which form our identity.  In order to remember who we think we are, we have to re-create the same experiences to reaffirm our personality and the corresponding emotions.  As an identity, we become attached to our external world by identifying with everyone and everything, in order to remind us of how we want to project ourselves to the world.

How we appear becomes a facade of the personality, which relies on the external world to remember who it is as a "somebody". Its identity is completely attached to the environment. The personality does everything it can to hide how it really feels or to make that feeling of emptiness go away; I own these cars, I know these people, I've been to these places, I can do these things, I've had these experiences, I work for this company, I am successful...It is who we think we are in relation to everything around us.

But that is different from who we are-how we feel-without the stimulation of our outer reality: Feelings of shame and anger about a failed marriage. Fear of death and uncertainty about the afterlife, related to the loss of a loved one or even a pet.  A sense of inadequacy due to a parent's insistence on perfectionism and achievement at all costs. A sense of stifled entitlement from having grown up in circumstances barely above poverty. A preoccupation with thoughts of not having the right body type in order to look a certain way to the world. These kinds of feelings are what we want to conceal.

This is who we truly are, the real self hiding behind the image we are projecting. We can't face exposing that self to the world, so we pretend to be someone else. The person whom we assume others will accept.

We use everything that we know in the external world to define our identity, and to distract us from how we really feel inside. And since all of these unique experiences produce myriad emotions, we notice that those emotions seem to take away any feelings that we are hiding. And it works for a while.

Dr. Dispenza goes on to share that most of us get to a point around our 30s and 40s (sometimes referred to as a midlife crisis) where some people go further into a place of stuffing the emotions and feelings down and turn to other things or addictions to feed their internal emptiness or emotional state (staying busy with work, gambling, drinking, spending excess amounts of $, technology). Pretty much anything you can imagine that changes your internal state to "feel" better, can become a way to become distracted and make the feelings go away that are inside.

Who knew, but many of us can likely relate to this - I know that it hit home for me.  Technology and spending became my addiction.  Ironically spending on myself isn't where I spend, I spend on others consistently. Give, give, give...it fills me up and so I keep spending to give more. Now I question myself about why I do it? Am I trying to fill a gap? It is my escape? Or is it just a part of me that is ok? I personally do believe that giving provides me with so much gratitude from within, yet maybe the form of giving becomes the area of concern. (giving to the point that I leave nothing left for myself or my loved ones) Which is what brings me to the day in October...something has to change.  And it starts with me.  I knew that I deserved to continue to grow based on the needs I have within me.  I was putting trust in everyone else, but no trust in myself.  I love to give to others but I got to a place of feeling used, manipulated and resentful - this wasn't anyone else's fault...I created it.  Changing my mind, unlearning what I have to re-invent myself, means to me, it is time to grow into the next phase of who I deserve to become so that I can continue to give even more, without drying out my own well.

What questions do you deserve to ask yourself right now? Are you also feeling as though you have two identities? What are you personally doing to "fill the gap" or to try to show up externally in one way to avoid being the truest version of yourself.  

​I appreciate this book and especially this chapter because, it not only helps me in my own growth journey, but it helps me to realize that even when many people appear to have it "all together", they have either already done the work on themselves to get to that place, or they are living their own life with the Gap, also.  I am not judging but I am learning to be gentle with myself and others knowing that this is common and quite possibly happens to us all.  

​My feeling is that when we continue to live this way for too long, we create inner turmoil and pain which ultimately creates a life we are ashamed of or one where we experience more suffering than happiness.  I believe that the sooner we can move beyond the place of being two different identities and connect with our TRUE self, we can become free to live a free and fulfilled life.  People can appear happy, but if they are they are showing up as one person, yet live in privacy as another, we know that not only is it possible for them to change, if they wish to, but they will most likely create a life of fulfillment, passion and purpose. (I recommend buying this book and many others as I recommend on my resources page)

​I was READY to live with more purpose, passion, fulfillment and joy...but I didn't just want to "paint the picture", I wanted to be in the picture.  Now is a great time to let your inner light shine.  If today is a day of much pain, resentment, anger, sadness etc...let this be your first day of healing.  It will not happen overnight, it will however happen as you take it one step at a time.  You and only you, have the gifts to change your inner world. As you do that, your outer world will shift for the better also.  You will no longer feel the need to put on your masks with your outer world, you will be free from the masks, free from the chains and you will help others in the process to become free also.

Trust yourself, you have so much within yourself to do everything that makes you happy!  It begins with changing your brain.

​Love Tara

Something I've learned recently is the fact that for so long I've created a life that I am "needed" by others.  I have created a reality that by being available so often (without boundaries) that I've had no respect for myself, almost as if I am not worthy of having it.  My entire life I've been someone who feels guilty if I don't plan a get together, guilty if I don't make the effort to see others I haven't seen in so long and by doing this, I've stretched myself to become overwhelmed and resentful - when I felt so busy (overbooking) or when I didn't feel I was getting the same "love" back.  So it was as if somewhere in my mind, by doing it more would somehow make me feel better. WRONG!

When I was teaching I would give my lesson plans freely to teachers, only to find a few would abuse it and put their name on it because they changed a page in the entire unit. Again, I was feeling manipulated and used.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I began to be a business owner. Did it again.  Give, give, give to a point where eventually some started to abuse my generosity.  Manipulation began to take place and I once again was feeling used.  

Even as I write this, it is still happening to me.  But today I see the TRUTH!  Today I know that it is 100% my responsibility to change this pattern, this habit, this IDENTITY.

Have you ever been someone who did someone a favour once thinking that would be the only time you would do that, only to catch yourself doing it again, and again and again?  Now - I do recognize that there is a difference between being kind and giving (your time, money, effort to someone because that is what we do as humans, we help one another) and giving to the point of becoming manipulated or used.

My post today is not an attempt to say, stop giving to others.  It is entirely the opposite - keep giving to people without expectation - yes I said that, without expectation. However if you notice the signs that your giving becomes EXPECTED by certain people or groups, may it is time to rethink who you are giving to and how you are giving. Because if your giving becomes a habit that others expect more and you now feel obligation to give your time, money or support than it might be possible that YOU have created this pattern and only YOU can change it.

In my business it is simple for me to give so much that I enable people rather than empower them.  I may do something for them (that they are responsible to learn to do for themselves-with my support if they choose) but because they give me a great story about why they can't learn right now, I have been the one to go ahead and do it for them to help out and "get it done".  This is where I've recognized the identity I've mastered...and one that I know I am responsible to change. If I keep doing for others, without teaching the skills so they can do it for themselves, I am the only one making the biggest mistake, because what I am really teaching in this situation is that "if you don't have time to learn it, I will do it for you".  YIKES, what have I created?  A sure fire way to crash and burn. No one, not one person can keep doing for others without teaching them to do it for themselves, we cannot physically keep up to this expectation - but ironically if this happens, we are responsible, we created this habit.

I'll admit that even today it is happening and I declare that this will be the LAST time.  I said it, the LAST time I will do something without teaching it.  Or will it be the last time?  Habits are hard to break, especially when they become who you are - your identity.  Yet I am smart enough to know that I've created this and I am the only one who can un-create it. The only fool is the one who fails to change the habit.

What is happening in your life because you've made it your identity?  What are you ready to break or un-learn so that you can learn how to live a more empowered and fulfilled life? Are you doing things for others and realizing that you are now becoming manipulated to do more of what you offered to do before? Is it now expected of you? Or have you somehow become addicted to the feeling you get because when you do what others may be expecting, you feel validated, worthy, and finally as if you are enough in this world - even just for that moment?

What if, just what if - today you declare to yourself that you are willing to STOP?  That you respect yourself enough to stop doing what you've always done - to please others, to feel adequate.

Something else I have recognized that I've been doing - which has become an addiction is that I can easily live in drama and I can complain about anything.  YET - what is that doing?  It is somehow telling me that to feel alive, something must be wrong.  To feel worthy, I want to feel validated in knowing that others have heard my drama and conflict.  Don't we all become guilty of playing this role at times in our life?  

Here is what Rod Hariston says in his book, Are you up for the Challenge, when talking about the role of the Victim.

Someone is always taking advantage of the Victim. Somehow, he always ends up on the short end of the stick.  He expects people to abuse him, or lie to him, or hurt him.  If he would look objectively at his life, he would realize that this happens over and over and over again.  Sometimes a Victim will think, "maybe that's just my fate; I was born to be a victim." Many times he doesn't even realize that he has a choice in what happens to him.

The Victim sees himself perpetually at the mercy of people, circumstance and situations around him. The majority of his focus is on himself and how he is affected by the outside events, and his mood is controlled by what is happening in his world at that moment.  To him, the world is a place where negative experiences are to be expected and people are not to be trusted.


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