Yikes, over 6 years since I've written, however when I consider the timeline it all makes perfect sense. The world has definitely changed since my last entry in January of 2020 and when I look back on my own advice I realize that I didn't stick with any of it for myself. Instead, I lost most of what I had gained by that point after my last burnout.
This is likely the hardest blog entry to write and I had some raw shares when I wrote about my burnout in 2015 & 2016.
How do I find myself almost in the exact same place 10 years later? Well if we are truly on a 9 year energy cycle, then my last 9 years were some of the toughest I've lived through and yet they were some of the most profound. It wasn't all bad and if I look at what "bad" actually means, well, some of the toughest parts of life are the times when we learn the most. When things are hard, we can choose to let these moments define us or help us grow. My hope is that this time around, I get through the toughest parts so I can come out the other side to enjoy more rather than live in anxiety and concern. Yes, I've become someone who worries more than I should, more than my mental health can handle. My family reminds me when I am living in fear (which is far too often these days) and I look at myself in the mirror and ask, when did you become so full of fear and anxiety? - this isn't you.
I now have children that are 18, 17 and 14 years old. My mom passed away (after a short and very painful battle with cancer in 2021 during the time our world was lost in the control of covid - I am still experiencing trauma from that time in our lives). I've become even closer with my dad since she passed, not that we were not close before, but my mom and I talked on the phone every day up until the week before she passed and we stopped communication only because she was no longer conscious. Now my dad and I talk almost daily and it is rare to miss a day. My mother-in-law also passed away in 2021 a few months before my own mother died. My biological father also passed away in 2022, so I was glad that I met him once in 2016. (something I don't regret)
My husband and I celebrated 20 years married last June and he has continued to enjoy his post retirement career with Metrolinx K9 unit since 2019. I returned to teaching in public education (2022) and I had a year of teaching at my friend's Montessori school in 2024-2025 (this was a beautiful experience). My corporation (See it when you Believe it Inc.) closed in August of 2021 (the month my mom passed away) and I feel as though I have been searching to "find myself" and my place in the world, since my mom died. AI has been born which I believe has a positive place in our world but my hope is that people don't begin to rely on it for the day to day communication and tasks because our brains still want to be called on to think for ourselves (I am not using it to write what is on my heart, so I may not sound as polished as "my friend" ChatGPT would want it to be).
Something many ask me, do you still use Isagenix? My answer is a strong yes. We order every single month and have since July 2009 just after Jack was born. There have been moments when I questioned a lot, and times when I pulled far away from the business but we've continued to order the products simply because they are convenient and of great quality. Just like with all things, I believe the company went through some growing pains that also caused changes that people in my position couldn't deny that may have been negative, but like I said, we can let the negative define us or we can learn to grow from this. As time continued, it felt as though the organization and the corporate team (even through the many changes over the years), began to find their footing and making good decisions about formulation changes, which builds belief from people like myself. However, through all the years of uncertainty in so many areas of life...I did find myself in a deep search of who is Tara and what does Tara need, what do people that trust her need? This really started in 2021 when my mom died. A part of me died with her because she was not only my mom, she was my sounding board. I was able to bounce anything off her and she would have an answer that made sense. Her wisdom and heartfelt intentions always seemed to know the way forward even at the darkest times. So as I tried to navigate the most difficult time in my life without her, I didn't know who I was or where I was going anymore. Yes, I had created a beautiful life with my husband and my family but a huge part of me was gone. My identity was challenged.
The search for my purpose became an obsession. Some would argue that my purpose was mother, wife, business owner, educator. I felt so far from this. In fact even as we look back on the years, the time from 2021-2025 (or even today), are a bit of a blur. Maybe it is navigating a new era (post-covid), I am less trusting of so many systems now that it makes it hard to be the person I was before. Some may have even said I was naive, which in some ways may have been easier. I went along with so much, people pleaser, easy to go along with other agendas and plans. However, what I think has happened is that I've become a more critical thinker, on my own; without AI helping me make decisions that my intuition already knows to be true. I've become a bit cynical, bitter, jaded, anxious. I don't feel this is all positive change but it is where I am finding myself.
One thing that did stay the same or got worse was my addiction to work. When I take on any job or task or business, I find myself putting more energy into the tasks and agenda of everyone around me, that I neglect the reasons I am actually working. I stop self-care, relationships, household demands, having fun etc. I find myself tightly woven into a work-a-holic web of stress with no way out. This not only affects my mental health, it seeps into my physical and emotional health and this is when I remembered/recognized the signs from 2015/2016. Burnout and adrenal fatigue is nasty, it takes us down a very dark path and affects every part of our life. The day my husband told me, he was afraid he was losing me, was the day I knew it was time to STOP and make the necessary steps to recovery again.
Recovery is an interesting place to be. We hear about support groups and recovery centres for people addicted to alcohol or drugs, gambling, or other undesirable addictions but do we have a place for people addicted to production, work, people pleasing and taking on too much? If there is a place, please share.
Instead it becomes a search for the right tools and resources. The people, organizations and ideas that can help us on our path to "less is more". I will admit it is a lot of trial and error, a lot of figuring out what works and doesn't work.
Some things I have learned or done so far (and I am still on the path to recovery right now - a time when instant gratification isn't the goal):
Facebook was not helping me
This is likely common for many. If you are reading this and you have an intuitive nudge that says, "Facebook needs to take a hike", trust your gut. For me it had been screaming at me for a long time and I finally made the decision to deactivate the platform. Funny though, all the times I thought of it, I kept saying all the excuses like - but I use Facebook for great things, groups for business activities and ideas, groups for teaching and creating lessons, memories that would pop up, seeing updates from friends and family (and the list can go on and on), but what it was actually doing was creating a place for me to "click" anytime things were quiet, when I was bored, stressed, overwhelmed, wanted to take a "break"...basically it was the hit of dopamine that I needed after work and on weekends - it took away my joy, however it was disguised as providing me with joy. It was an addiction that I denied admitting. Being off now has given me a new sense of peace. It hasn't been easy...for the first few weeks I was clicking on it more than I'd like to admit (out of habit) only to find that it wasn't open anymore so I couldn't click. Funny though, something I've learned (Facebook creators are smart), some programs rely on us to "sign in through Facebook", invitations, events, and even this website platform I use to write my blog. So ironically I accidentally reactivated it about 2-3 times when I tried to log in to these things...Facebook doesn't make it easy to stay "deactivated".
Finding the right supports
I am still on my search, however what I can say is that there are so many people and organizations that are doing great things for others. I've gotten really good at being able to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or take advantage of others and who are truly making a difference. As my search continues, I am finding trust in my own medical doctor (I lost trust in a lot of medical professionals since 2021), I returned to naturopathic, chiropractic care. I am slowly getting back to the gym (this is a process that I'll admit isn't easy especially when burnout is so exhausting, so I am going at physical exercise in a gentle way while doing my best to be more consistent). I am using some supportive health technologies and products that are starting to make a massive improvement in my overall wellness (slow but sure), and eliminating the ones I don't feel are helping me right now (reminding myself that less is more).
I plan to write more about this in another post because I am finding some cool biohacking, optimal wellness modalities.
Taking pressure off
Sometimes I feel a bit crazy, but then I remind myself that I am in a phase of healing and breaking old habits so that I don't keep repeating the same cycle (every 10 years or however long it takes me to forget what is important). Taking the pressure off is likely the toughest part. Being addicted to "doing", becomes an identity. So taking a break and putting my feet up has been more common lately and instead of telling myself I am being lazy, I remind myself I am taking the time I need to get better so that I stop the cycle. If I stay on autopilot and keep up the unsustainable pace in all that I do, I will not be able to recover and create new habits. I think many women (and men, I can speak for women), take on so much and don't know how to step back or say no, not today. I admire some of my friends who are great at saying no when they know when something would set them back if they said yes to it. Being a people pleaser means that we often say yes, even when our intuition or gut says no and then we regret or resent. Funny, when I went through this before - I got really good at protecting myself by learning to use my voice and to say no, but I guess when we have a "program" or set point, if we are not careful, these old habits return without us realizing it until we are "in it again". Today, slow but sure, I am taking the pressure off again...it helps, even when it is hard. An example: I am learning to forgive myself when laundry piles up because I am exhausted by 7:00pm when the costs are lower to run the washing machine or dryer, so I may not actually do laundry until the weekend - in 2 weeks). I guess that means I have enough clothes to make it work. Hmm, maybe that is a problem. ;)
Reconnecting with nature
As I type this today, it is raining and that changed from wet snow earlier today. Ugh.However I know that we are going in the right direction and spring/summer is close. I read something from someone I know share about how she moved from Canada to a warmer climate a year ago and her and her family now have 300 days of sun and warmth and it has helped her and her family feel so much better. I know that I can't just "wait" for spring/summer sun/heat to return and it isn't as easy to just move to a warmer climate as a Canadian who has 3 teens starting their own lives, but nature truly is life's medicine. Being out in nature fills us up, it helps us heal and feel grounded, yet I'll admit winter is so harsh that the last place I want to be is outdoors. I just had a thought...wouldn't it be great for Canadians and others in the world that have a long winter, to have a dedicated room that is "earthy", warm, sunny, nature filled and nurturing like warmer climates? Going on vacation is nice for those who can afford to travel yet, vacation is often a week which is just a teaser of warmth and sun rays. If you have ideas about how you can find the warmth of nature through the long winters (without moving or relocating), please share with me what you do. Would a wood burning or far infrared sauna do this? I don't know.
As I complete this post for today, I appreciate you for reading this far. I have so much to share and perhaps you "see" or "feel" yourself in my story. My hope for you is that you take an inventory of what you are allowing to occur in your life. It isn't easy to take a step back to make necessary changes, but it often comes to a point where if we ignore the overwhelm too long, an abrupt stop will happen whether we like it or not. If I can be helpful at all, it is to remind you that you are worth it, ask for help, take a step back, pause - even if it feels impossible. When my mom got sick, I know that it was years of giving her all, working through stress she should never had been expected to work through at her age, saying yes when she likely needed to say no...sadly she didn't have the chance to change things, she had an abrupt stop that was completely out of her control. As I started to see the patterns returning for me, I knew that if I didn't stop and seek support, my path was getting darker. Breaking down in ugly tears almost daily became my new norm...and when that occurs, pushing through and saying, "I should be able to handle this", may have become a close call to a potential abrupt stop. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one will. I started to realize that no one was going to come and save me, so I needed to put my oxygen mask on first.
This is likely the hardest blog entry to write and I had some raw shares when I wrote about my burnout in 2015 & 2016.
How do I find myself almost in the exact same place 10 years later? Well if we are truly on a 9 year energy cycle, then my last 9 years were some of the toughest I've lived through and yet they were some of the most profound. It wasn't all bad and if I look at what "bad" actually means, well, some of the toughest parts of life are the times when we learn the most. When things are hard, we can choose to let these moments define us or help us grow. My hope is that this time around, I get through the toughest parts so I can come out the other side to enjoy more rather than live in anxiety and concern. Yes, I've become someone who worries more than I should, more than my mental health can handle. My family reminds me when I am living in fear (which is far too often these days) and I look at myself in the mirror and ask, when did you become so full of fear and anxiety? - this isn't you.
I now have children that are 18, 17 and 14 years old. My mom passed away (after a short and very painful battle with cancer in 2021 during the time our world was lost in the control of covid - I am still experiencing trauma from that time in our lives). I've become even closer with my dad since she passed, not that we were not close before, but my mom and I talked on the phone every day up until the week before she passed and we stopped communication only because she was no longer conscious. Now my dad and I talk almost daily and it is rare to miss a day. My mother-in-law also passed away in 2021 a few months before my own mother died. My biological father also passed away in 2022, so I was glad that I met him once in 2016. (something I don't regret)
My husband and I celebrated 20 years married last June and he has continued to enjoy his post retirement career with Metrolinx K9 unit since 2019. I returned to teaching in public education (2022) and I had a year of teaching at my friend's Montessori school in 2024-2025 (this was a beautiful experience). My corporation (See it when you Believe it Inc.) closed in August of 2021 (the month my mom passed away) and I feel as though I have been searching to "find myself" and my place in the world, since my mom died. AI has been born which I believe has a positive place in our world but my hope is that people don't begin to rely on it for the day to day communication and tasks because our brains still want to be called on to think for ourselves (I am not using it to write what is on my heart, so I may not sound as polished as "my friend" ChatGPT would want it to be).
Something many ask me, do you still use Isagenix? My answer is a strong yes. We order every single month and have since July 2009 just after Jack was born. There have been moments when I questioned a lot, and times when I pulled far away from the business but we've continued to order the products simply because they are convenient and of great quality. Just like with all things, I believe the company went through some growing pains that also caused changes that people in my position couldn't deny that may have been negative, but like I said, we can let the negative define us or we can learn to grow from this. As time continued, it felt as though the organization and the corporate team (even through the many changes over the years), began to find their footing and making good decisions about formulation changes, which builds belief from people like myself. However, through all the years of uncertainty in so many areas of life...I did find myself in a deep search of who is Tara and what does Tara need, what do people that trust her need? This really started in 2021 when my mom died. A part of me died with her because she was not only my mom, she was my sounding board. I was able to bounce anything off her and she would have an answer that made sense. Her wisdom and heartfelt intentions always seemed to know the way forward even at the darkest times. So as I tried to navigate the most difficult time in my life without her, I didn't know who I was or where I was going anymore. Yes, I had created a beautiful life with my husband and my family but a huge part of me was gone. My identity was challenged.
The search for my purpose became an obsession. Some would argue that my purpose was mother, wife, business owner, educator. I felt so far from this. In fact even as we look back on the years, the time from 2021-2025 (or even today), are a bit of a blur. Maybe it is navigating a new era (post-covid), I am less trusting of so many systems now that it makes it hard to be the person I was before. Some may have even said I was naive, which in some ways may have been easier. I went along with so much, people pleaser, easy to go along with other agendas and plans. However, what I think has happened is that I've become a more critical thinker, on my own; without AI helping me make decisions that my intuition already knows to be true. I've become a bit cynical, bitter, jaded, anxious. I don't feel this is all positive change but it is where I am finding myself.
One thing that did stay the same or got worse was my addiction to work. When I take on any job or task or business, I find myself putting more energy into the tasks and agenda of everyone around me, that I neglect the reasons I am actually working. I stop self-care, relationships, household demands, having fun etc. I find myself tightly woven into a work-a-holic web of stress with no way out. This not only affects my mental health, it seeps into my physical and emotional health and this is when I remembered/recognized the signs from 2015/2016. Burnout and adrenal fatigue is nasty, it takes us down a very dark path and affects every part of our life. The day my husband told me, he was afraid he was losing me, was the day I knew it was time to STOP and make the necessary steps to recovery again.
Recovery is an interesting place to be. We hear about support groups and recovery centres for people addicted to alcohol or drugs, gambling, or other undesirable addictions but do we have a place for people addicted to production, work, people pleasing and taking on too much? If there is a place, please share.
Instead it becomes a search for the right tools and resources. The people, organizations and ideas that can help us on our path to "less is more". I will admit it is a lot of trial and error, a lot of figuring out what works and doesn't work.
Some things I have learned or done so far (and I am still on the path to recovery right now - a time when instant gratification isn't the goal):
Facebook was not helping me
This is likely common for many. If you are reading this and you have an intuitive nudge that says, "Facebook needs to take a hike", trust your gut. For me it had been screaming at me for a long time and I finally made the decision to deactivate the platform. Funny though, all the times I thought of it, I kept saying all the excuses like - but I use Facebook for great things, groups for business activities and ideas, groups for teaching and creating lessons, memories that would pop up, seeing updates from friends and family (and the list can go on and on), but what it was actually doing was creating a place for me to "click" anytime things were quiet, when I was bored, stressed, overwhelmed, wanted to take a "break"...basically it was the hit of dopamine that I needed after work and on weekends - it took away my joy, however it was disguised as providing me with joy. It was an addiction that I denied admitting. Being off now has given me a new sense of peace. It hasn't been easy...for the first few weeks I was clicking on it more than I'd like to admit (out of habit) only to find that it wasn't open anymore so I couldn't click. Funny though, something I've learned (Facebook creators are smart), some programs rely on us to "sign in through Facebook", invitations, events, and even this website platform I use to write my blog. So ironically I accidentally reactivated it about 2-3 times when I tried to log in to these things...Facebook doesn't make it easy to stay "deactivated".
Finding the right supports
I am still on my search, however what I can say is that there are so many people and organizations that are doing great things for others. I've gotten really good at being able to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or take advantage of others and who are truly making a difference. As my search continues, I am finding trust in my own medical doctor (I lost trust in a lot of medical professionals since 2021), I returned to naturopathic, chiropractic care. I am slowly getting back to the gym (this is a process that I'll admit isn't easy especially when burnout is so exhausting, so I am going at physical exercise in a gentle way while doing my best to be more consistent). I am using some supportive health technologies and products that are starting to make a massive improvement in my overall wellness (slow but sure), and eliminating the ones I don't feel are helping me right now (reminding myself that less is more).
I plan to write more about this in another post because I am finding some cool biohacking, optimal wellness modalities.
Taking pressure off
Sometimes I feel a bit crazy, but then I remind myself that I am in a phase of healing and breaking old habits so that I don't keep repeating the same cycle (every 10 years or however long it takes me to forget what is important). Taking the pressure off is likely the toughest part. Being addicted to "doing", becomes an identity. So taking a break and putting my feet up has been more common lately and instead of telling myself I am being lazy, I remind myself I am taking the time I need to get better so that I stop the cycle. If I stay on autopilot and keep up the unsustainable pace in all that I do, I will not be able to recover and create new habits. I think many women (and men, I can speak for women), take on so much and don't know how to step back or say no, not today. I admire some of my friends who are great at saying no when they know when something would set them back if they said yes to it. Being a people pleaser means that we often say yes, even when our intuition or gut says no and then we regret or resent. Funny, when I went through this before - I got really good at protecting myself by learning to use my voice and to say no, but I guess when we have a "program" or set point, if we are not careful, these old habits return without us realizing it until we are "in it again". Today, slow but sure, I am taking the pressure off again...it helps, even when it is hard. An example: I am learning to forgive myself when laundry piles up because I am exhausted by 7:00pm when the costs are lower to run the washing machine or dryer, so I may not actually do laundry until the weekend - in 2 weeks). I guess that means I have enough clothes to make it work. Hmm, maybe that is a problem. ;)
Reconnecting with nature
As I type this today, it is raining and that changed from wet snow earlier today. Ugh.However I know that we are going in the right direction and spring/summer is close. I read something from someone I know share about how she moved from Canada to a warmer climate a year ago and her and her family now have 300 days of sun and warmth and it has helped her and her family feel so much better. I know that I can't just "wait" for spring/summer sun/heat to return and it isn't as easy to just move to a warmer climate as a Canadian who has 3 teens starting their own lives, but nature truly is life's medicine. Being out in nature fills us up, it helps us heal and feel grounded, yet I'll admit winter is so harsh that the last place I want to be is outdoors. I just had a thought...wouldn't it be great for Canadians and others in the world that have a long winter, to have a dedicated room that is "earthy", warm, sunny, nature filled and nurturing like warmer climates? Going on vacation is nice for those who can afford to travel yet, vacation is often a week which is just a teaser of warmth and sun rays. If you have ideas about how you can find the warmth of nature through the long winters (without moving or relocating), please share with me what you do. Would a wood burning or far infrared sauna do this? I don't know.
As I complete this post for today, I appreciate you for reading this far. I have so much to share and perhaps you "see" or "feel" yourself in my story. My hope for you is that you take an inventory of what you are allowing to occur in your life. It isn't easy to take a step back to make necessary changes, but it often comes to a point where if we ignore the overwhelm too long, an abrupt stop will happen whether we like it or not. If I can be helpful at all, it is to remind you that you are worth it, ask for help, take a step back, pause - even if it feels impossible. When my mom got sick, I know that it was years of giving her all, working through stress she should never had been expected to work through at her age, saying yes when she likely needed to say no...sadly she didn't have the chance to change things, she had an abrupt stop that was completely out of her control. As I started to see the patterns returning for me, I knew that if I didn't stop and seek support, my path was getting darker. Breaking down in ugly tears almost daily became my new norm...and when that occurs, pushing through and saying, "I should be able to handle this", may have become a close call to a potential abrupt stop. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one will. I started to realize that no one was going to come and save me, so I needed to put my oxygen mask on first.
RSS Feed