Time...we all have 24 hours in a day - yes. We all have 7 days in a week - yes.  We all have 12 months in a year - yes true!  Why is it that we often feel that time is moving faster than ever before as we reach a certain time in our lives?  Is it because of the hectic schedules we've placed upon ourselves? Is it the massive piles of chores, commitments, plans and work schedules we have all made our new norm?

I don't completely know the answer but I do know that 2019 was a year that went faster for me, than any year previously.  It hit me when I was putting up my Christmas tree in December when I stopped for a moment and felt like I was exactly where I was a year before.  Standing in the same place, experiencing some of the same struggles, appreciating the same gifts in my life and wondering if a year actually zipped by or if I was still standing in the year 2018.  Honestly, during that very moment I had to take a step back to ask myself if I had truly lived in the moment in 2019 or if I had been focusing on just getting through each moment to be able to get on to the next; rushing life by.

Life is busy. I know. It becomes our self fulfilling prophecy if we are not careful. Do we want to be so "busy" that our year passes us by and makes us question if we are actually in the same year or in another year completely? Or do we preach about living in the moment but we can't seem to catch a breath between everything we absolutely have to get done?

Think back for a moment. Where were you 10 years ago, or even better 20 years ago?

During the moment of me writing this blog entry, where was I 20 years ago?  Well it was Jan 2000. I was almost a year into my university career.  I was living with my fiance (at that time) in a house that we bought together and he was working full time, I was working part-time while also practice teaching and studying for my bachelor of arts in Psychology and my bachelor of education; simultaneously. Little did I know that our relationship would end exactly a year later. I was commuting 75 kms to university each way on a 8 lane highway (that I still don't like traveling much when I have to)...but back then I did it daily.  On my drive home, I would imagine my routines when I would get home (let's just say they were not very healthy routines). I would envision the cola being poured over the ice in my glass as it became a habit each day to drink a whole can of coke, my mouth used to water like Pavlov's dogs at the thought of it (thank goodness I kicked that terrible habit in 2001).  Next, I imagined myself watching a soap opera or talk show and then I would make dinner only to watch more TV with my fiance.  Bedtime. Then repeat the routine the next day. As you can imagine I wasn't a very happy person at that time. Bad habits and multiple negative thoughts became my identity. I loved my cats like they were my children but I wasn't living in gratitude and I was far from living in the moment.  I was in survival mode most of all. This was my first crack at "living in the real world" with real world expenses, clearly it wasn't that way for long as it all came crashing down a year later.

Why go back in time for a moment?  Because chances are we all have old habits that we broke or started decades ago. We've learned a lot since then. Hopefully you are further ahead today, but some of us may have simply repeated the same decade twice since then. Looking back on where we came from can have an impact on us in either a positive or a negative way. We don't live in the past, but the past has helped to shape us. Back then, I know that I didn't live in the moment. I hadn't learned about personal growth & I was living the habits that I had created, only to keep doing them day after day. I took my fiance for granted and assumed he would always be right there beside me to embrace me for all my quirks and also accept me even with my bad habits I had created for myself. Perhaps we created those bad habits together...it is likely common for spouses to not only take one another for granted but to also go through life feeding off one another's habits (good or bad). We are the sum of the 5 people we spend the most time with, so we can often take on other people's habits even when we don't realize it is happening.

So what makes this year any different?  Well time is still going fast, but what I realized recently is that when we allow routines and busy schedules to be the excuse for so much that we may be missing...especially "I have no time for self care" excuses or "I have no time to be present with my children each day". When we do this we are missing the point for what living is.  And I personally have a lot more to learn and a long way to go, but baby steps are making a massive shift for me already in the first few weeks of a new decade.  My hope is that you are also mindful of the changes that you have the power to make to improve your own quality of life.

Even with the schedule, the kids sports, my husband's work schedule, my business calls and appointments and so much more, I've had to recommit to what I promised that I would do last year (that I didn't)...self care and being in the moment!

Yup, that is it...without self care, we drain our own battery and when this happens, we have little left to give our loved ones or anyone else. We can grow resentful of others, we can create stories that don't serve us and we can push the very people that we love, away.

If we are not in the moment, we let the moment slip by and this can often become a time when we say, "I don't even remember how that massage felt because I was talking the whole time or I was too much in my head thinking about what is next after the massage is over" or "I don't remember you saying that to me" because when my child spoke to me, I was trying to multitask to get it all done (ex. return the text from a business partner, while getting dinner started).

We all have so much going on, but something that remains true...this busy time in our lives will eventually be replaced with silence. Some days I beg for silence. We likely all do at some point. But today I was reminded by a friend who has kids that are off to post secondary school...that in a flash, our kids grow up, our schedules change almost without warning.  The hustle and bustle that makes our years fly by, stops in a heartbeat. Boom, just completely stopped. This can be hard. Very hard and I haven't gone through it yet, but I know that I will. Without rushing things and without worrying about the future, I have simply decided to be better today.

Obviously I am writing this as a parent for parents, but we can all take something from this even for those who do not have children.  What are you doing for self care?  Are you actually staying in the moment as much as you can? 

Being mindful of this can help, but it isn't everything because with all habits, we can easily slip into the old thinking, the old routines that have us rushing on to the next thing.  One day we can be aware and in the moment and the next day can catch us off guard and we didn't remain in the moment once.

Today, I had a bit of time (self-care time), as before any flight I take I like to reflect and take time to appreciate those I love and care about. (clearly I took a bit of time to write this too). Today I am reminded of just how lucky that I am. January 2020 has started out a whole lot better than January 2000 did. I have been very conscious of my age, my strength, my health, my marriage and my children's well being.  These are a few things I've been able to successfully incorporate into my daily routines and as I do these, perhaps these are areas that you wish to focus on in the next decade too. They are in no particular order.

1. Fitness every single day (no excuses). Coming from a person who hasn't enjoyed working out since the 1990s, this is a BIG deal.  I've removed all barriers. No gym membership required. No fancy gym set up in my basement. Just 20-30 minutes of dedication to myself to get my heart-rate up and my muscles engaged.  I do a variety of workouts from HIIT to strength training to "fight-club" to yoga and stretching, cardio and so much more variety. I love that I've found something that keeps changing it up daily.  (I also feel grateful that I've found pre, during and post workout products that help me stay on track without making it hard to walk after each workout)
2. Quality time with my kids. This is always a work in progress because as their needs change, I do my best to roll with it.  Reading with my kids, giving them foot, head or back massages, having solid bedtime routines has become a great way to end our days.  I stopped forcing myself to get on business calls in the evening so that I can be 100% focused on them. I am also incorporating "quality time together" days. Having 3 children all around the same age can be great, but also kids can become competitive with wanting quality time. So once per month, having quality time with one child at a time is the goal. Being in the moment 100% of that time is also key. No texting, scrolling, phoning during this time we will schedule each month.
3. Technology for my kids. Well 20 years ago I wasn't attached to a cell phone that could be a window to the world at any time of day or night. I am pretty sure you were not either.  I do believe that technology advancements are great and at the same time it can be our nemesis. We become addicted to it. It comes before other things at times. We get texts and we think we have to look at them immediately even if we are in a deep conversation with someone else. How "in the moment" is that?  Since the end of 2019 our youngest (8 years old) hasn't had access to any wireless device. Her brain is developing right now and from some research I've done lately, I am finding that there is no real benefit to her having access to that device on a daily basis. There are far more interesting and healthy things she can be doing to explore her world without the need for technology being available anytime.  My other two children who are older do have a bit of access - as many of their projects in school require them to be researching online and submitting assignments online. But their reach has become much smaller. They don't have endless hours of access to online games and videos like they did last year. And you know what, they stopped begging for it. It is no longer a habit for any of them. 
4. Technology for me. (and my husband). 8:00pm comes around and my technology is off. Airplane mode, no wifi allowed for me past that time and what a great gift.  You see in 2019 I got into the habit of playing "brain" games on my phone while I was shutting down for the night. When I wasn't playing games I would go to google and see the news headlines that I "subscribed to" in order to catch up on what was going on in the world.  I would not get off until 9:30 or 10 at times and then I would roll over and try to go to sleep.  Nope, not this year.  A few years ago I was in such a great habit of getting off technology and would read something inspiring or motivational (personal growth) before I would go to bed.  That was when my mindset was so strong, I was happy and thriving. The "playing games or reading the news" was clearly NOT best for my brain before bed...because now I am 3 weeks in of getting back to reading amazing books before bed and turning wifi off by 8:00pm and I can say I am sleeping a whole lot better and I feel more refreshed.  Some nights I also enjoy a hot bath with lavender with my book (and once again I have many books on the go at once, because it depends what I am in the mood to read each night - right now it is between the book Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza, or Nothing Changes until you do by Mike Robbins;  among a few others.
5. Self care commitments - I've returned to getting chiropractor adjustments and massages this month and I continue to get my osteopath appointments monthly too. Getting to the float tank will be on the agenda after my flight and I plan to get back to that each and every month as I move forward. Taking my vitamins and supplements (my absolute fav being Isagenesis), are also on my agenda for this year and eating right 80% of the time is always my goal.
6. Among the self care improvements, something I've realized is that alcohol isn't great for my body. Through the summer last year I drank a lot more often than I'd like to admit and I also gained a lot more weight through that time. Every time I drank any alcohol through Christmas vacation last month, I realized how horrible it made me feel. Even one glass of wine with dinner would make me feel unwell and my heart seemed to do weird things. I enjoyed some drinks with friends on New Year's Eve, but I quickly found myself almost wasting a day in bed to recover...so on Jan 1st I decided to try to go a month without a drop of alcohol. And here were are on Jan 20th and I am feeling better than ever.  I may not ever need a drink again. Not saying I didn't enjoy a drink now and then socially, but aside from it bringing me out of my shell a bit, there was no real benefit. To drink socially is normal - it was my normal and as I make this new decade my healthiest yet, I am really focused on making a new normal. Some moments are harder than others, because in really social situations it is much easier for me to have a drink or two to take the edge off...so I know I may come up against some social moments when I believe having a drink would be the easy way to cope with something social, but for anyone reading this today, thanks for helping me know that being myself without alcohol is ok too, even if it feels really awkward for me or for you at first.
   
7. Date night - this is something my husband and I get really great at and then sometimes months go by and we've let it slip again. Once per week is the goal, but minimum 1 time per month. Happy to report we managed to get one in last weekend with some friends.
   

Well that was a long blog today. Clearly I had a few things to get out of my heart and into this "online", easy to access, page in cyberworld...but hey, if anything I wrote today helps just one person become more mindful of something or if something I say makes you feel less alone...than I believe that I've done something good to pass on.

We are all a work in progress and when we embrace where we have been, when we recognize where we are and we look forward with ambition and awe for where we are heading...all while remaining grateful for all of it...we can remind ourselves to slow down enough to be in the moment as much as we can be - even throughout the chaos of life.

Don't let another year fly by where you ask yourself, "why and how did that year go so fast...did I blink or did I live?"  The gift about life is living.  Loving, living and being able to say, I felt that, I experienced that, I enjoyed that and I am living each moment and choosing each moment, without rushing to the next one.

Before I share details from my habits today, I will just back up and share that yesterday turned out to be better than I expected (I try not to have expectations so that I don't become disappointed)...my only expectation for myself was that I would give it my best and follow through with what I decided that I deserved to follow through with.  Was it easy?  I would have to say it was easier than I thought it would be.  I realize that I was prepared.  There is a difference between "hoping for the best, and winging it" vs preparing and being ready at all times for cravings or hunger to rear it's head.  I had healthy snack options at my side and rarely needed them.  

By 3:00 I found myself having a headache.  I messaged one of my accountability partners at that time to ask her how she was doing on her first day?  I also told her that I was feeling a headache (and I don't typically ever suffer from headaches).  She reminded me to have water (which I had by my side and realized that I hadn't had enough water).  I drank some and had 1 or 2 chewable snacks (dairy free - yummy).  And I continued on with my plans to go grocery shopping for healthy choices to have in our home.  I intended to make baked fish, but out favourite seafood place is closed Mondays and I had forgotten until I pulled in to shop.  When I went to a grocery store to find fish (I already purchased all my produce at one of my favourite whole foods (type of store) called Goodness Me...but I didn't have the fish I wanted.  Something had me refrain from buying fish from a regular grocery store (I guess I am spoiled with the choices we have a Johnny's in Barrie, ON.), I just couldn't buy fish from Sobeys. 

So chicken it was.  I made chicken with mushrooms, a bit of white wine and organic chicken broth to make a very light sauce and some ground black pepper, dijon mustard, green onions and garlic to add flavour.  It was so delicious. 

I made a side of quinoa and broccoli (seasoned with lemon, pepper, garlic and a bit of olive oil).  

Having 3 children, I hear, "eew, that is what we are having for dinner?" and my son even said after that, "what are the kids eating?"

When dinner was served, the kids had a bit of a hard time with it, but they all ate everything on their plates eventually without a whole lot of fuss.  Amazing how much they will eat when they stop looking at how it looks, and start to taste it for what it is.  Healthy doesn't mean disgusting flavours.

Before bed, I made sure that I was prepared for my early morning ritual.  I found the Yoga and Meditation videos I would use, I texted myself both so that it was easy to find them in the morning.  I found the song that I would wake up to and I read for about 20 minutes (Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection), before falling asleep.

This morning came and was another success.
I woke up again before my alarm went off.  I found that I had many dreams through the night, but I did find that I woke up almost once an hour since 2:00am.  Each time I would wake up, I would think it must be time to be up...almost as if I didn't need the 8-9 hours sleep that I normally do.  But I managed to always get back to sleep and woke up at 6:15 am again, and made it down to my yoga/meditation room in the dark.

My alarm this morning was set to the song by Avicii called, Wake me up. And although I woke before this song came on, I listened to it before I began my 20 minutes of yoga.

My 20 minutes of yoga today was for strengthening my back.

My 20 minutes of meditation was so relaxing...beautiful sounds of ocean waves continuously.  I could have stayed in that state for much longer than the time it was.

I continued to journal.  2 paragraphs of self journalling, and 3.5 pages again of soul journalling.  My soul sure is smart.  (if you are just reading this for the first time, feel free to go back to yesterday's blog entry to find out more details about soul journalling)

When the kids woke up, I already had my Mint Chocolate shake, my 2 Product B, my 3 Brain Boost, and my 1 accelerator.  I turned on today's song of the day, "Wake me Up" on our apple TV and I added it to a new playlist called MORNINGS, so now we have two songs in that playlist (video playlist), the first song from yesterday (Coldplay, Adventure of a Lifetime) is not only our new favourite song and video, but it was one that had the 4 of us breaking out in dance at 8:00 this morning!  The kids even said, we can't wait to see what song will be added tomorrow!

Here I am, at 9:32am, feeling so grounded, balanced and inspired (light).  

I am grateful that I have given myself this beautiful gift of time and health.  That hour in the morning (that I once created excuses about) has become my favourite time of day for myself!

I look forward to hearing from you. If these blog entries have inspired you to create new healthy habits, I look forward to cheering you on.  

Ironically someone I care about so much, a family member - reached out and told me yesterday in a text that my post from yesterday inspired her to recommit to herself.  As I was typing this entry today, I noticed a text from her about her "day 2" also!  

Together we can encourage others to feel better too.  Keeping it to ourself doesn't multiply the inspiration...let's share this and help others create change too!

​

​Because I MATTER...I told myself, as I asked the question WHY?  When I allowed myself to get creative with "bubble letters" in my journal, I simply answered a question, the question was
WHO ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE?  My answer was clear, Being the best version of me, because I MATTER!!

That was it, I signed and dated it and I felt my body, mind and soul follow suit.

It was 9:20pm on October 23, 2016 and I knew that I hadn't been honouring myself as much as I thought I was doing all that I could to do so.  

Exactly 24 hours before this moment a dear friend of mine (Kirsten), shared a Yoga Intensive program with me, she told me it was starting on October 24th and it was something that would be 5 days per week going from 6am until 7:30 am for an entire month.  I got excited with the thought of it, but quickly found myself making all the excuses for why it wouldn't work.  Yet for the entire 24 hours, I continued to think about how great it would be if I would commit to myself and make some positive changes, starting with waking up early to take time for me before anyone else in the house was awake.  

When the negative self talk came in (which I refer to now as the lizard brain, thanks to a great mentor, Colin James), I knew that this wasn't me...this was my past dictating my future and I was listening to my self talk as some sort of boss in my life.  And then I remembered that the power is within myself to either believe the negative self talk or to acknowledge it and move beyond it.

​​That lizard brain got louder and LOUDER.  It was saying things such as, "are you crazy? You can't get up before 7:00, you can barely wake up before 7:30, so who are you kidding?  This will be just ONE more thing you will start and not complete and it will be a waste of your money.  You may start strong, but there is NO way you will create a new habit"  And the messages continued.



48 hours earlier I had also made a commitment to myself, to get back into healthy eating habits through the program I cherish and represent in my business.  The past few months have been less than ideal.  I wasn't a product of my product for quite sometime, I would find myself doing great for a bit and then falling back into bad habits.  I was rushing most mornings to get the kids fed and out the door, and half the time they were missing the bus so I was driving them to school.  Instead of having a shake, I would find myself driving through the Tim Horton's drive thru to have a breakfast sandwich approximately twice a week.  There were many days that I would go to Barrie to do errands or meet up with others, only to find that I didn't plan well, and would get hungry while in the city...so I would often pull through a drive through to have a 6 inch sub or a wrap (trying to convince myself that this is a "healthy-ish" choice), only to find myself lacking in energy and motivation throughout the day.

So once again, because of my previous commitment to myself to return to my healthy eating habits and now adding a "get up out of bed" and yoga expectation 5 days a week, I was finding myself hearing that lizard brain saying, "yup, you really are crazy...you think you can return to a healthy eating habit by doing a 9 day cellular body cleanse and finish it continuing as a 30 day system AND wake up early and do yoga...yes, you Tara Cooper have lost your mind...and I call the BS card on you...you will NOT do it, because you have tried so many times before, and you have NOT EVER continued...but go ahead, go against what I say, and I will PROVE that you can't follow through."

Yes that lizard is a bother, it is downright rude if you ask me...but I knew (because of so much work I've been doing on my mindset) that this is normal and this lizard brain of mine is trying it's best to keep me safe in my bubble of comfort.  My lizard LOVED to sleep in and eat junk.

So as I prepared to move forward with a BEGINNER'S MINDSET, (in order to build myself some new and sustainable healthy habits), I thanked my lizard brain (picture of the lizard drawn by Colin James) for trying to keep me safe and I made a conscious decision to plan for the next day. October 24th would be my first day of new beginnings.

• I will wake up at 6:25am to Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay
• I will take my peppermint and orange essential oils and put them in my diffuser
• I will do 20 minutes of yoga: Easy Yoga for Beginners - Full Body Gentle Flow Yoga (youTube)
• I will do 20 minutes of meditation with Either: Chakra Cleansing & Activating guided meditation on YouTube OR Buddhist Meditation for Beginners  (I did end up choosing the Chakra Cleansing today)
• I will do 20 minutes of journalling or soul journalling (I love soul journaling, goes so much deeper and beneficial for me)
• I will have my Ionix, my shake and my vitamins when I finish
• I will make breakfast and lunches for the kids

Did I do what I set out to do?
Well that lovely LIZARD brain of mine tells me, "don't get too excited, because you have started strong in the past, only to fizzle out within a few days".  However, my soul is cheering me on, saying YES, you did it, you proved that it is possible to rise early before anyone else, and even before your alarm went off.  You were able to get everything done that you set out to do and you ROCKED it Tara.

So yes, I did what I set out to do and I do feel wonderful.  I enjoyed the Yoga and the Chakra Cleansing (links found above) and had 15 minutes to journal, which was NO PROBLEM to complete, I wrote the entire 15 minutes.  I started with 2 paragraphs of personal journalling and then completed approximately 3.5 pages of Soul Journalling (see link for more on how to do soul journaling if you are interested). Or for a more detailed exercise, buy Elisa Romeo's book called Meet your Soul.

I began the day as I planned to and I loved every single moment of it.  I got my Ionix and my shake with vitamins before anyone came downstairs for breakfast. I managed to make lunches and breakfast for the kids and we enjoyed a continuous replay of our song of the day: Coldplay's Adventure of a Lifetime.  The kids had a bounce in their step and so did my husband and I.  They got on the bus.  And our day was off to a great start.

The morning was light, fresh and inspiring.  I look so forward to beginning my day the same way tomorrow.
Nutrition as planned for anyone interested in doing this too (if you don't know what certain things are, and have interest, just ask.), include consumption of water throughout the day also.
Morning:

• Ionix (1 oz) 
• Isa-shake mixed only with water
• Accelerator x 1, Brain boost x 3, Product B x 2
• Greens (1 shot)
• snack midmorning (likely IsaDelight)
• e+ shot

Afternoon:

• Ionix (1 oz)
• Isa-shake mixed only with water
• snack (Chewables or IsaDelight - or veggies with hummus)

Evening:

• fish (baked) - will share recipe soon (I tend to put it together as I make it)
• rice or quinoa mixture
• veggies and or greens (1 shot if needed)

Before Bed:

• sleep spray (2 sprays)
• IsaComfort x 2
• IsaOmega (1 or 2)
• Thyroid medication (as prescribed)

*I am not currently taking any other supplements or vitamins at this time, but will increase or alter times as I bring habits back into my routines.


I choose music today to be about Intuition and Connection...and a bit of Physical!  This is a great chart to help with music choices for your Chakras.

"The point when we cannot go on as business as usual, is our cognitions ability to pay attention to what we are doing. When we can begin to decide of who we no longer want to be and we make a decision to become the person we want to be, this creates new levels of mind in the brain. Your brain and body can change by thought alone IF done daily. We move from living in the past (unlearning) and moving into the future (relearning, reinventing)." This quote was one Dr. Dispenza speaks about in the video link above.  

Knowing this now [after the past month on my own journey of basically putting life to a screeching halt - which to many (including me) didn't make a lot of sense], allows me to understand.  I didn't understand a month ago why I was feeling the way that I was, but I knew that even though I didn't understand, I was ready to change - and I knew that required stopping the "habits" I was doing daily, to create new ones - the how does show up.  This book (thanks for the reminder Tinya) came back into my awareness at the right time.  Learning is MY job and finding the right tools are honestly coming to me without a lot of thought, I am open and willing, therefore the right people, events, books and other resources are showing up for me.  As PK Smith says, once we know the WHAT, the HOW is not our business but will show up when we are ready to be present.  So often we know the "what" but we are not taking the time to truly listen to the gifts presenting themselves to allow us to create the "what" that we desire. Sometimes we do only what others are doing and in all honesty, what others do, may not be what we need to do to get the same result.  Trusting ourselves is important and mandatory when we go through a change that we've often just talked about wanting, but not moving forward.

Chapter 7 - The Gap (a short summary of some great parts that spoke most to me and maybe it will help you - all parts here are quoted in gray, blue and italic are my personal messages about the quote in the book)

It occurred to me that I was so busy that I had no time to actually practice what I was teaching.  

This was an unnerving moment, because I began to see that all of my happiness was created from outside of me, and that the joy I experienced when I was travelling and lecturing had nothing to do with real joy. It appeared to me that I needed everyone, everything, and everyplace outside of me in order to feel good.  This image that I was projecting to the world was dependent on external factors.

The sad truth is that if you had asked me at one of those moments, I would have probably responded: Yes, things are great.

But if you had caught me in a quiet moment, when all those other stimuli weren't bombarding me, I would have responded in a completely different manner: Something's not right. I feel unsettled. Everything feels like the same old, same old.  Something is missing.

On the day I recognized the core reason for my unhappiness, I also realized that I needed the external world to remember who I was.  My identity had become the people I talked to, the cities I visited, the things I did while I was traveling, and the experiences I needed in order to reaffirm myself as this person called Joe Dispenza. And when I wasn't around anyone who could help me recall this personality that the world might know as me, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. In fact, I saw that all of my perceived happiness was really just a reaction to stimuli in the external world that made me feel certain ways.  I then understood  that I was totally addicted to my environment, and I was dependent on external cues to reinforce my emotional addiction. What a moment for me. I had heard a million times that happiness comes from within, but it never hit me like this before.

These paragraphs above were like a window into myself. As if I was the person behind the words, the author of these pages.  Joe wrote in a way that I instantly connected with his message and I felt that I could relate 100%, yet I just hadn't been able to put it into words just yet.

THE IDENTITY GAP

Dr. Dispenza describes something called the Identity Gap by imagining you have one hand on top and one below (as if you were holding a ball in between). The top hand represents how we appear.  This includes our Identity that we project to the outer environment. Who we want others to think we are, the facade or ideal for the world.  The bottom hand represents who we really are.  This is how we feel, who we really are, how we are inside, the ideal for the self.  It is as if we are two separate entities. This was the realization I was having just about a month ago...one where I knew I couldn't keep going on the way that I was. It was time to "close the gap" and show up as who I really am! Yet in order to do that, I had to get really clear and be completely honest with myself about who I am now and if changes need to be made, who was I becoming?

He goes on to explain that in that GAP we have layers of emotion, such as, unworthiness, anger, fear, shame, self-doubt, guilt.  Sound familiar to anyone you know?  No, I didn't think so!  Here is some awareness now happening for most of us - right?

Layer by layer, we wear various emotions, which form our identity.  In order to remember who we think we are, we have to re-create the same experiences to reaffirm our personality and the corresponding emotions.  As an identity, we become attached to our external world by identifying with everyone and everything, in order to remind us of how we want to project ourselves to the world.

How we appear becomes a facade of the personality, which relies on the external world to remember who it is as a "somebody". Its identity is completely attached to the environment. The personality does everything it can to hide how it really feels or to make that feeling of emptiness go away; I own these cars, I know these people, I've been to these places, I can do these things, I've had these experiences, I work for this company, I am successful...It is who we think we are in relation to everything around us.

But that is different from who we are-how we feel-without the stimulation of our outer reality: Feelings of shame and anger about a failed marriage. Fear of death and uncertainty about the afterlife, related to the loss of a loved one or even a pet.  A sense of inadequacy due to a parent's insistence on perfectionism and achievement at all costs. A sense of stifled entitlement from having grown up in circumstances barely above poverty. A preoccupation with thoughts of not having the right body type in order to look a certain way to the world. These kinds of feelings are what we want to conceal.

This is who we truly are, the real self hiding behind the image we are projecting. We can't face exposing that self to the world, so we pretend to be someone else. The person whom we assume others will accept.

We use everything that we know in the external world to define our identity, and to distract us from how we really feel inside. And since all of these unique experiences produce myriad emotions, we notice that those emotions seem to take away any feelings that we are hiding. And it works for a while.

Dr. Dispenza goes on to share that most of us get to a point around our 30s and 40s (sometimes referred to as a midlife crisis) where some people go further into a place of stuffing the emotions and feelings down and turn to other things or addictions to feed their internal emptiness or emotional state (staying busy with work, gambling, drinking, spending excess amounts of $, technology). Pretty much anything you can imagine that changes your internal state to "feel" better, can become a way to become distracted and make the feelings go away that are inside.

Who knew, but many of us can likely relate to this - I know that it hit home for me.  Technology and spending became my addiction.  Ironically spending on myself isn't where I spend, I spend on others consistently. Give, give, give...it fills me up and so I keep spending to give more. Now I question myself about why I do it? Am I trying to fill a gap? It is my escape? Or is it just a part of me that is ok? I personally do believe that giving provides me with so much gratitude from within, yet maybe the form of giving becomes the area of concern. (giving to the point that I leave nothing left for myself or my loved ones) Which is what brings me to the day in October...something has to change.  And it starts with me.  I knew that I deserved to continue to grow based on the needs I have within me.  I was putting trust in everyone else, but no trust in myself.  I love to give to others but I got to a place of feeling used, manipulated and resentful - this wasn't anyone else's fault...I created it.  Changing my mind, unlearning what I have to re-invent myself, means to me, it is time to grow into the next phase of who I deserve to become so that I can continue to give even more, without drying out my own well.

What questions do you deserve to ask yourself right now? Are you also feeling as though you have two identities? What are you personally doing to "fill the gap" or to try to show up externally in one way to avoid being the truest version of yourself.  

​I appreciate this book and especially this chapter because, it not only helps me in my own growth journey, but it helps me to realize that even when many people appear to have it "all together", they have either already done the work on themselves to get to that place, or they are living their own life with the Gap, also.  I am not judging but I am learning to be gentle with myself and others knowing that this is common and quite possibly happens to us all.  

​My feeling is that when we continue to live this way for too long, we create inner turmoil and pain which ultimately creates a life we are ashamed of or one where we experience more suffering than happiness.  I believe that the sooner we can move beyond the place of being two different identities and connect with our TRUE self, we can become free to live a free and fulfilled life.  People can appear happy, but if they are they are showing up as one person, yet live in privacy as another, we know that not only is it possible for them to change, if they wish to, but they will most likely create a life of fulfillment, passion and purpose. (I recommend buying this book and many others as I recommend on my resources page)

​I was READY to live with more purpose, passion, fulfillment and joy...but I didn't just want to "paint the picture", I wanted to be in the picture.  Now is a great time to let your inner light shine.  If today is a day of much pain, resentment, anger, sadness etc...let this be your first day of healing.  It will not happen overnight, it will however happen as you take it one step at a time.  You and only you, have the gifts to change your inner world. As you do that, your outer world will shift for the better also.  You will no longer feel the need to put on your masks with your outer world, you will be free from the masks, free from the chains and you will help others in the process to become free also.

Trust yourself, you have so much within yourself to do everything that makes you happy!  It begins with changing your brain.

​Love Tara