Waking up before my alarm was a great reminder of the strength that I have to keep pushing through as I build a new habit. The song I choose to "wake up" to today (if I didn't wake before the alarm) was I'm on top of the world, by Imagine Dragons.
Yoga and meditation today was pretty good. And I will admit, sometimes when we "stretch a new muscle" - like creating a new habit, we are put up against challenges that have us question things. Today, when I did my yoga selection, I noticed that it was great (and had some stretches that challenged me) but it seemed very choppy and lacked flow into the next stretch or pose. I hadn't noticed this before, but today I felt more aware and felt like I was changing how my body moved a whole lot more than normal. Not complaining, but noticing. I also found that when I did Dr. Wayne Dyer's meditation today, I was finding myself a bit distracted by the "Ahhhhh...." sound that he did on each exhale. I found myself trying to follow along, and at times I did really wonderful "ahhhhhhh" sounds, yet - I was finding it too strange for me (I was judging myself), so I just returned to focusing on my breath and I really enjoyed his affirmations during the last half of the session.
Later today I realized that I was doing really well. I had gone to get groceries, but didn't plan to be out for lunch hour as I had the intention to be home by 12:30, and didn't bring anything to eat. I started to get hungry by 1:00 and instead of driving to Subway (that was close to the grocery store), I held off and made it home to have my 2nd shake of the day just after 1:20.
As I began to prepare dinner, I decided to make some kale chips. I love chips and I recognized that tonight might be a challenge as I can easily dig into the Halloween stash of chips. Yet I was being very mindful and knew that it would be a treat for me to enjoy crispy kale chips instead. I enjoyed some kale chips and then I came to my office to sit down at my desk and there was a mindless moment...yup, I am human. My kids asked for a piece of chocolate from the fundraiser the girls did for gymnastics a few weeks ago. They brought it to my office when I was working in here a few days ago and I broke off a piece for each of them to enjoy, and then I wrapped it and put it on my desk. It sat there for several days (and I don't normally crave or eat chocolate, so I assumed it wasn't an issue). Today (after I made my beautiful and tasty kale chips...and when I sat down at my desk for the first time today, I mindlessly opened the last piece of wrapped chocolate that the kids didn't eat...I put it in my mouth, let it melt and then realized what I had done. I wasn't present in the moment, I was distracted and unfocused. How could I be so mindful a few minutes sooner, to then sit down and be so mindless? Because I am human...and I then took a moment to reflect on how often this likely happens to many of us. When we are really focused and present, we can make decisions that we are conscious of and this is where our change occurs...and when we allow ourselves to be distracted, we can find our subconscious mind in control. Tricky, sneaky unconscious mind, you! I'd have to say the chocolate was pretty good, but really? How did I even let that happen? Amazing what distracted minds can do. What area of your life are you allowing your subconscious mind to be in control? I am certain that it isn't just with eating habits. I know for me it is also when I am shopping and spending money. Some habits sure are difficult to break, especially when our subconscious mind is so powerful!
These moments of awareness make me realize that it is ok to feel weird or off when beginning new routines. It is normal to have highs and lows and at times, and this can bring even more questions than when we got started. I am human...and if I didn't question or feel strange at times, it would be even more weird.
So as you begin new routines, forgive yourself for feeling odd, unfocused, strange or even a bit unsure about if what you are doing is for you. Chances are - this is just part of the process...and the day we give up because it feels too strange or we feel that we've failed, is the day we do fail. Failing is not an option, I will continue moving forward even when things are not as expected or when I've fallen down. Reminding myself to "let go" of expectations at times and to forgive myself when I've made a mistake and also allow uncertainty to be part of the journey, is where brilliance occurs.
I choose brilliance. How about you?