Day 23 - Lighter than the day before (Nov 13/15)
Interesting that today is Friday the 13th and I love the number 13. As I sat down to write just now, I looked at the date and knew that there are many reasons why I feel the way that I do today. As I've said before, writing/journaling - yes I do both (handwriting is slower for me but I do have a journal I write in most days) gives me peace.
Today I wanted to share a few simple things. This is for those of you who have come across my entries and you've taken the step to go this far in reading what I am sharing. Many people just wouldn't read this far, but there is a reason that YOU have.
What I realized after yesterday (the day I shared my first 22 days in public - by making a post on facebook), was that although I went through many physical symptoms that were very uncomfortable, before and after posting (I even went to bed wondering if I was getting the flu), I did what I wanted to do, what I deserved to do. The physical symptoms almost stopped me. I started overthinking if it was right to go public, questions of, "what would this person think? what would that person think?" and then it hit me, part of my journey is to break the habits of putting others thoughts and opinions above my own. Why was I living a life of needing permission from everyone else but myself? Why did I need to consider others opinions when it is my life I am living, not theirs? Possibly the answer was easier to find than I thought, what I realized was that as much as I've assumed that I no longer have people on a pedestal, I must to some extent. I respect and admire people - BUT, they don't live my life. I care what others think, BUT I do have my own mind that is deserving of thoughts also. I may lose some people I care about in the process - yes that is true, and we are all on our own journey. If this part of me (being open and vulnerable) makes some uncomfortable and awkward around me it is unfortunate, but I know that it is ok.
We are told to surround ourselves with the people who lift us up. When we are with people who (may not intend to) make us feel bad about ourselves, who make us feel unworthy, who make us feel (pardon my word) like shit, than maybe these are the people we must be ok to let go of for now.
Something I do believe for each of us is that, people are here in our lives for a reason. Some will stay in our lives and some will go. We have many people who care about us, and like us and, yes we have many people who dislike us, or who couldn't care a moment about us or our wellbeing, and that is ok. We are not here on this planet to be liked by all...I once thought that was my job, to make sure everyone liked me. Yes, to blend in with the crowd. I even recall a personality test I took before a job interview and one of the questions was that, are you a team player and do you blend in and try to make everyone happy. What animal do you most identify with as yourself. I remember feeling like a chameleon. Wouldn't that be considered a good thing for a team? And now I understand I am ready to be the person who no longer needs to blend in with the crowd. I may not follow the group, I may become the person I was actually put on this planet to become. Innovative, creative, inspired, inspiring, excited, joyful, humorous (that makes me laugh - but hey, who knows?), motivated, even more grateful than I've been thus far and I sure know that I will become the BEST version of myself without approval or acceptance required from anyone.
As I continue to write (as if the words know to roll off my fingers -yes writing puts me in a state of pure flow), I know that what I publish online is here to stay. I will never regret anything I write. I am an open book. Maybe if more of us were, we would all be in a better state as a society. I know that my purpose is far greater than I've imagined to this point. Somedays I do pinch myself wondering if I am in a dream (even the dark days recently...was that a nightmare?)...but I know that every moment we are alive, we have so much within in us to change the energy of our planet...we really do. YET so often we catch ourselves shrinking (and I don't mean we need to be in ego to be BIG in this world- exactly the opposite). Ego has no place here in this purpose-filled life. Ego has no place in living fulfilled. Why then are so many of us rushing around, pushing for a rank advancement, pushing to "force" others to do things out of obligation rather than out of joy and happiness? Why are we so controlled by what others think is best for us? Why are we being a "puppet" allowing others to hold the strings? Why are we looking externally for acceptance and permission? When will we trust ourselves enough to know that we are enough and that we do have EVERYTHING within us to become the amazing person that our soul already knows that we are? WHEN? When will you?
Thank you to all of you for reading this far. Thank you also to those of you who are writing to me on facebook, text message, email etc. I am grateful to have people in my corner who "get me"...not many do. Yet my hope is that in some way, people everywhere will begin to let their own light shine. Stop being so afraid of the judgement or the people with opinions. Remember everyone is welcome to an opinion - this is what makes us all different and if we were all the same, life would be boring. But opinions have nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with the person who holds the opinion.
Be brave, be courageous - find your inner strength...because guess what? You already have it inside you, you just haven't trusted yourself - YET!
Love, Tara
Today I wanted to share a few simple things. This is for those of you who have come across my entries and you've taken the step to go this far in reading what I am sharing. Many people just wouldn't read this far, but there is a reason that YOU have.
What I realized after yesterday (the day I shared my first 22 days in public - by making a post on facebook), was that although I went through many physical symptoms that were very uncomfortable, before and after posting (I even went to bed wondering if I was getting the flu), I did what I wanted to do, what I deserved to do. The physical symptoms almost stopped me. I started overthinking if it was right to go public, questions of, "what would this person think? what would that person think?" and then it hit me, part of my journey is to break the habits of putting others thoughts and opinions above my own. Why was I living a life of needing permission from everyone else but myself? Why did I need to consider others opinions when it is my life I am living, not theirs? Possibly the answer was easier to find than I thought, what I realized was that as much as I've assumed that I no longer have people on a pedestal, I must to some extent. I respect and admire people - BUT, they don't live my life. I care what others think, BUT I do have my own mind that is deserving of thoughts also. I may lose some people I care about in the process - yes that is true, and we are all on our own journey. If this part of me (being open and vulnerable) makes some uncomfortable and awkward around me it is unfortunate, but I know that it is ok.
We are told to surround ourselves with the people who lift us up. When we are with people who (may not intend to) make us feel bad about ourselves, who make us feel unworthy, who make us feel (pardon my word) like shit, than maybe these are the people we must be ok to let go of for now.
Something I do believe for each of us is that, people are here in our lives for a reason. Some will stay in our lives and some will go. We have many people who care about us, and like us and, yes we have many people who dislike us, or who couldn't care a moment about us or our wellbeing, and that is ok. We are not here on this planet to be liked by all...I once thought that was my job, to make sure everyone liked me. Yes, to blend in with the crowd. I even recall a personality test I took before a job interview and one of the questions was that, are you a team player and do you blend in and try to make everyone happy. What animal do you most identify with as yourself. I remember feeling like a chameleon. Wouldn't that be considered a good thing for a team? And now I understand I am ready to be the person who no longer needs to blend in with the crowd. I may not follow the group, I may become the person I was actually put on this planet to become. Innovative, creative, inspired, inspiring, excited, joyful, humorous (that makes me laugh - but hey, who knows?), motivated, even more grateful than I've been thus far and I sure know that I will become the BEST version of myself without approval or acceptance required from anyone.
As I continue to write (as if the words know to roll off my fingers -yes writing puts me in a state of pure flow), I know that what I publish online is here to stay. I will never regret anything I write. I am an open book. Maybe if more of us were, we would all be in a better state as a society. I know that my purpose is far greater than I've imagined to this point. Somedays I do pinch myself wondering if I am in a dream (even the dark days recently...was that a nightmare?)...but I know that every moment we are alive, we have so much within in us to change the energy of our planet...we really do. YET so often we catch ourselves shrinking (and I don't mean we need to be in ego to be BIG in this world- exactly the opposite). Ego has no place here in this purpose-filled life. Ego has no place in living fulfilled. Why then are so many of us rushing around, pushing for a rank advancement, pushing to "force" others to do things out of obligation rather than out of joy and happiness? Why are we so controlled by what others think is best for us? Why are we being a "puppet" allowing others to hold the strings? Why are we looking externally for acceptance and permission? When will we trust ourselves enough to know that we are enough and that we do have EVERYTHING within us to become the amazing person that our soul already knows that we are? WHEN? When will you?
Thank you to all of you for reading this far. Thank you also to those of you who are writing to me on facebook, text message, email etc. I am grateful to have people in my corner who "get me"...not many do. Yet my hope is that in some way, people everywhere will begin to let their own light shine. Stop being so afraid of the judgement or the people with opinions. Remember everyone is welcome to an opinion - this is what makes us all different and if we were all the same, life would be boring. But opinions have nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with the person who holds the opinion.
Be brave, be courageous - find your inner strength...because guess what? You already have it inside you, you just haven't trusted yourself - YET!
Love, Tara
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