
November 16/15
What day is it in my journey now? Well, I've lost count. Why lose count? because that isn't even my focus anymore - my focus is in LIVING today, fulfilled...and counting how long since the day I made a shift in my thinking/being isn't nearly as important as where I am today, at this very moment. Yet, counting before today had a MASSIVE purpose for me as I did take a step at a time.
Something recently clicked, something made me realize that the inner struggle that I was going through, the challenges that I was facing were for a much BIGGER reason than I understood at the time. Getting to a place where I lost all sense of motivation, all desire to grow and change and I even lost the strength to get up in the morning. Yes that was ME. Only a few short weeks ago. I lived it, I shared it with you and I am still learning from it daily. I believe I had allowed myself to be so available for so long to everyone and I put all my focus into "putting out fires", in being reactive rather than pro-active. I created a state of overwhelm, stress and anxiety; which ultimately led me to what felt like total and complete burnout. Saying yes to everyone and everything left me with nothing left. I created an identity of "being needed"...how selfish of me to assume others "needed me". I became resentful because, how could I workout, go on a date with my husband, play with my kids, go for a hike, visit with friends/family, de-cluter and organize my home, and be present doing those things, if I was giving every bit of my energy away? If I had continued to do what I thought that I should do (keep moving forward and putting on a happy face), I quite possibly would have gotten worse. I know that I would have. I may have even lost some very meaningful relationships. Don't get me wrong, one of my passions in life IS to help and support others, to be there for them, to assist in growth when people have the desire to do the work to change. Yet somehow I was feeling the "weight of the world" to do the work, essentially do the push-ups for everyone else, and I wasn't even leaving time for me to do my own. WOW - that is backwards and I created it, and so I decided it was time to un-create (is that even a word?) it!
For the first time in a very long time I've decided that I am ready to trust myself in the decisions that I make. Enough is enough. I know that I am worthy of making my own decisions, without guilt. Making decisions for me has never been easy. I am a person who has gone back and forth, thinking it out, trying to figure out the best option and then when I didn't quite trust the decision I was making, I would ask for outside advice. (Honestly, even when ordering a meal off a menu...that's right, I didn't even trust myself to order off the menu.) Then I would take the advice of someone else I respected and then I would do what they would do. I became the person others were, or what others expected (or so I thought). I allowed that to take place because I really didn't trust myself to make a decision, a decision about my own life and how I was living it.
I want to be honest here. Even though I respected the people I asked for advice...just because they answered a certain way didn't mean it was the answer that was best for me in my life. YET, I took their advice as truth for me. When we do this so often we start to see ourselves differently and I wasn't liking the person in the mirror - even though I loved those I was asking for advice. Sounds strange, but it's true.
What I can say to you is that, as you continue to walk your own path in YOUR life, please know that you do have the answers inside you. Sometimes we just don't trust the answers but maybe this simple question will help you find your answer faster in order to trust it.
If you have a decision to make to visit someone, to have someone visit you, to go somewhere, to do something, to attend an event/party, to travel for business or pleasure etc...ask this question:
If I say yes to this person, event, appointment etc... what am I saying no to? If I am saying no to my children, my spouse, myself, my family, my friends, my business, my dreams/goals anything or anyone I love most...than it is time to say no, more often to the events, the people and the appointments that are leaving us with left-overs for our loved ones and ourselves. It is entirely up to us. Now this certainly doesn't mean that we say no to everything and everyone outside or without those we love most...because saying yes to an event, an appointment, a visit etc...might just be contributing to your life in other ways also. I guess this is where we must trust ourselves more when we make the commitments.
If you feel you are saying yes out of obligation (and you KNOW it feels like an obligation), isn't it time to get rid of the guilt and do what is in your heart to do? Your heart DOES know what is best for you, we all just do a really good job of turning off the internal GPS we have built in. We are so concerned with what others think of us, what others are doing, what others expect from us.
One thing I do know is that when I started this amazing business that I am in (in 2009), I loved the fact that I was my own boss. I had the freedom to make decisions for myself and I even expressed that as one of the parts of the "freedom puzzle" in life that I was so grateful for. Yet what I realized recently was that I wasn't living it. Freedom is only freedom if we feel free. When we feel tied or forced, that is the opposite of freedom. We were meant to live with ease, that is our right, but society shows us how to live in tension, in fear and in scarcity. Giving freely is my goal and I do love giving...yet what was happening (and it happens to so many of us) - we give when we have nothing left, and then we are asked to give more - because somehow we've created an expectation that others assume we are always there. When we are always there, we are not there for our loved ones or ourselves. Givers, natural givers do this without even realizing it until it is too late. But it isn't too late to create new habits and patterns. It will take serious attention and hard work. Breaking habits to create new ones - will NOT happen overnight, and chances are even when we feel we have created the healthy boundaries, we can fall back into the old patterns easily. It takes a conscious effort and a decision of complete awareness. Please learn this as soon as you can, for it will help you live in ease. The decisions are yours to make, no one else knows exactly what you know in your heart already. Trust your own voice, your own strength and remember that YOU are the only YOU...so cherish yourself and you never have to apologize to anyone for being yourself. As you grow and become the person you are meant to be, many people you love and care about will not understand. This is okay. Please trust that although it may hurt, it is not personal. Find your courage and become who you are meant to become.
What day is it in my journey now? Well, I've lost count. Why lose count? because that isn't even my focus anymore - my focus is in LIVING today, fulfilled...and counting how long since the day I made a shift in my thinking/being isn't nearly as important as where I am today, at this very moment. Yet, counting before today had a MASSIVE purpose for me as I did take a step at a time.
Something recently clicked, something made me realize that the inner struggle that I was going through, the challenges that I was facing were for a much BIGGER reason than I understood at the time. Getting to a place where I lost all sense of motivation, all desire to grow and change and I even lost the strength to get up in the morning. Yes that was ME. Only a few short weeks ago. I lived it, I shared it with you and I am still learning from it daily. I believe I had allowed myself to be so available for so long to everyone and I put all my focus into "putting out fires", in being reactive rather than pro-active. I created a state of overwhelm, stress and anxiety; which ultimately led me to what felt like total and complete burnout. Saying yes to everyone and everything left me with nothing left. I created an identity of "being needed"...how selfish of me to assume others "needed me". I became resentful because, how could I workout, go on a date with my husband, play with my kids, go for a hike, visit with friends/family, de-cluter and organize my home, and be present doing those things, if I was giving every bit of my energy away? If I had continued to do what I thought that I should do (keep moving forward and putting on a happy face), I quite possibly would have gotten worse. I know that I would have. I may have even lost some very meaningful relationships. Don't get me wrong, one of my passions in life IS to help and support others, to be there for them, to assist in growth when people have the desire to do the work to change. Yet somehow I was feeling the "weight of the world" to do the work, essentially do the push-ups for everyone else, and I wasn't even leaving time for me to do my own. WOW - that is backwards and I created it, and so I decided it was time to un-create (is that even a word?) it!
For the first time in a very long time I've decided that I am ready to trust myself in the decisions that I make. Enough is enough. I know that I am worthy of making my own decisions, without guilt. Making decisions for me has never been easy. I am a person who has gone back and forth, thinking it out, trying to figure out the best option and then when I didn't quite trust the decision I was making, I would ask for outside advice. (Honestly, even when ordering a meal off a menu...that's right, I didn't even trust myself to order off the menu.) Then I would take the advice of someone else I respected and then I would do what they would do. I became the person others were, or what others expected (or so I thought). I allowed that to take place because I really didn't trust myself to make a decision, a decision about my own life and how I was living it.
I want to be honest here. Even though I respected the people I asked for advice...just because they answered a certain way didn't mean it was the answer that was best for me in my life. YET, I took their advice as truth for me. When we do this so often we start to see ourselves differently and I wasn't liking the person in the mirror - even though I loved those I was asking for advice. Sounds strange, but it's true.
What I can say to you is that, as you continue to walk your own path in YOUR life, please know that you do have the answers inside you. Sometimes we just don't trust the answers but maybe this simple question will help you find your answer faster in order to trust it.
If you have a decision to make to visit someone, to have someone visit you, to go somewhere, to do something, to attend an event/party, to travel for business or pleasure etc...ask this question:
If I say yes to this person, event, appointment etc... what am I saying no to? If I am saying no to my children, my spouse, myself, my family, my friends, my business, my dreams/goals anything or anyone I love most...than it is time to say no, more often to the events, the people and the appointments that are leaving us with left-overs for our loved ones and ourselves. It is entirely up to us. Now this certainly doesn't mean that we say no to everything and everyone outside or without those we love most...because saying yes to an event, an appointment, a visit etc...might just be contributing to your life in other ways also. I guess this is where we must trust ourselves more when we make the commitments.
If you feel you are saying yes out of obligation (and you KNOW it feels like an obligation), isn't it time to get rid of the guilt and do what is in your heart to do? Your heart DOES know what is best for you, we all just do a really good job of turning off the internal GPS we have built in. We are so concerned with what others think of us, what others are doing, what others expect from us.
One thing I do know is that when I started this amazing business that I am in (in 2009), I loved the fact that I was my own boss. I had the freedom to make decisions for myself and I even expressed that as one of the parts of the "freedom puzzle" in life that I was so grateful for. Yet what I realized recently was that I wasn't living it. Freedom is only freedom if we feel free. When we feel tied or forced, that is the opposite of freedom. We were meant to live with ease, that is our right, but society shows us how to live in tension, in fear and in scarcity. Giving freely is my goal and I do love giving...yet what was happening (and it happens to so many of us) - we give when we have nothing left, and then we are asked to give more - because somehow we've created an expectation that others assume we are always there. When we are always there, we are not there for our loved ones or ourselves. Givers, natural givers do this without even realizing it until it is too late. But it isn't too late to create new habits and patterns. It will take serious attention and hard work. Breaking habits to create new ones - will NOT happen overnight, and chances are even when we feel we have created the healthy boundaries, we can fall back into the old patterns easily. It takes a conscious effort and a decision of complete awareness. Please learn this as soon as you can, for it will help you live in ease. The decisions are yours to make, no one else knows exactly what you know in your heart already. Trust your own voice, your own strength and remember that YOU are the only YOU...so cherish yourself and you never have to apologize to anyone for being yourself. As you grow and become the person you are meant to be, many people you love and care about will not understand. This is okay. Please trust that although it may hurt, it is not personal. Find your courage and become who you are meant to become.