Day 21 - RollercoasterS
Sometimes life (when seen from a bird's eye or timeline view) appears to be that of a rollercoaster ride. When a day is one of ups and downs, loops and a slow climb up to a peak and to a quick drop off again...it is a wonder how we allow ourselves the time to heal.
Today when I considered how to sum it up in one word, the only word that came to mind is rollercoaster. When I woke up today I made a conscious decision to BE. To be positive, to be present, to be open to new experiences and to be forgiving of where I am and where I've been.
Today I also realized that when I open my heart, I find the truth within me. I began to reflect upon why I've done the things I've done up to this point. I recognize that the very thing that has been my identity until now, is not the identity I must hold onto if I wish to become the new and self-inspired version of myself that I know that I am becoming. Not everyone who knows me will understand me right now...and goodness I don't blame them, I hardly understand myself right now. Yet what I do know is that I am not willing to go back to the person I was even 3 weeks ago. At times I kept hoping that somehow I would just go back to life as usual before my health started challenging me. YET what I know now, is that this was exactly the tipping point, the point when my intuitive self knew that it was time to "shed the old skin" to begin creating the new.
Today has been a day of many ups, downs, loops and drop offs and as I type this, I am on the slow climb up the mountain...is there darkness at the top or a beautiful view? I am not sure. I do know that any transformation is MESSY in the middle so I am ok with the unknown at this point. What I do know is that in order to become who I am courageous enough to become...this messy, unknown rollercoaster is all worth it.
Maybe you can relate to these statements, if you can relate - maybe you are also going through a self transformation or are at a crossroad.
Guess what my new NORMAL is going to be. Ha, this is a task that I will focus on, but you'd better bet that it will be completely opposite to the list that my normal has been.
Where to start - well - I've started long ago, I just didn't know it. A lot of events have taken place. Many things that shook me up to question myself, to question my perception and focus. Now (that I am somewhere in the middle), I feel that I am only getting started. Cluttered spaces are equal to a cluttered mind...so I know at this place in my journey as I continue to honour where I am, as I look forward to where I am going, I prefer to now focus on getting into a "clearing" state. This is the time to start parting with the things holding me down and allow the clearings to take place.
Before I went to bed tonight, I was feeling a sense of peace. I trust that I am going in the right direction not only for myself, but for the goodness of my children, my husband, my parents and everyone else whom I am grateful to have in my life.
I stumbled upon a 60 minute video created by Tony Robbins and it impacted me in such a way that I knew I had what it takes to move beyond any struggle I face. To see the video I am talking about, simply search on google: How to find your greatest resource. It is truly powerful!
Today when I considered how to sum it up in one word, the only word that came to mind is rollercoaster. When I woke up today I made a conscious decision to BE. To be positive, to be present, to be open to new experiences and to be forgiving of where I am and where I've been.
Today I also realized that when I open my heart, I find the truth within me. I began to reflect upon why I've done the things I've done up to this point. I recognize that the very thing that has been my identity until now, is not the identity I must hold onto if I wish to become the new and self-inspired version of myself that I know that I am becoming. Not everyone who knows me will understand me right now...and goodness I don't blame them, I hardly understand myself right now. Yet what I do know is that I am not willing to go back to the person I was even 3 weeks ago. At times I kept hoping that somehow I would just go back to life as usual before my health started challenging me. YET what I know now, is that this was exactly the tipping point, the point when my intuitive self knew that it was time to "shed the old skin" to begin creating the new.
Today has been a day of many ups, downs, loops and drop offs and as I type this, I am on the slow climb up the mountain...is there darkness at the top or a beautiful view? I am not sure. I do know that any transformation is MESSY in the middle so I am ok with the unknown at this point. What I do know is that in order to become who I am courageous enough to become...this messy, unknown rollercoaster is all worth it.
Maybe you can relate to these statements, if you can relate - maybe you are also going through a self transformation or are at a crossroad.
- It isn't easy when we feel isolated (protection from people we care about who just don't understand).
- It isn't easy to be "different", because for some reason I am feeling like a bit of a rebel (doing the opposite of what I've done so far and questioning why I am doing things a certain way-things I've done for years).
- It isn't easy to go through health struggles and still wait to get test results.
- It isn't easy wondering who is genuine and wondering if some people cannot be trusted - who really cares and who can we be ourselves with.
- It sure isn't easy to go through these days feeling alone and confused
- ...but it is all worth it for the sake of who I am (you are) becoming.
- It may not be easy....BUT it would be much harder to ignore this inner struggle, it would be harder to pretend everything is OK, it would be harder to push through (because some messages are about "shake it off and be strong") it would be harder to continue pleasing everyone else but ourselves - it would be so much harder to go back to the day of personal realization that something wasn't quite right inside.
- overwhelm
- chaos
- overcommitted
- stressed
- unhappy on inside, happy on outside (a negative and a positive don't make a positive - oops)
- incongruent
- frustrated
- resentful
- angry
- saying yes to everything - but saying no to myself
Guess what my new NORMAL is going to be. Ha, this is a task that I will focus on, but you'd better bet that it will be completely opposite to the list that my normal has been.
Where to start - well - I've started long ago, I just didn't know it. A lot of events have taken place. Many things that shook me up to question myself, to question my perception and focus. Now (that I am somewhere in the middle), I feel that I am only getting started. Cluttered spaces are equal to a cluttered mind...so I know at this place in my journey as I continue to honour where I am, as I look forward to where I am going, I prefer to now focus on getting into a "clearing" state. This is the time to start parting with the things holding me down and allow the clearings to take place.
Before I went to bed tonight, I was feeling a sense of peace. I trust that I am going in the right direction not only for myself, but for the goodness of my children, my husband, my parents and everyone else whom I am grateful to have in my life.
I stumbled upon a 60 minute video created by Tony Robbins and it impacted me in such a way that I knew I had what it takes to move beyond any struggle I face. To see the video I am talking about, simply search on google: How to find your greatest resource. It is truly powerful!